How to Get Your Friend to Be a Good Wingman

A good wingman helps his friend get the girl.
... Jupiterimages/Polka Dot/Getty Images

Even cool, good-looking guys and girls can use a little help meeting a romantic interest. Thus the evolution of the wingman, writes Theresa DiDonato, a psychologist, in the article, "The Evolution of the Wingman," on Psychology Today's website. A wingman -- male or female -- creates opportunity for you to meet that special person. They provide the foil to shield you from unwanted matches. It is a self-sacrificing job. You can help your friend become a good wingman by communicating your needs.

1 Explain Your Goals

To be a good wingman, your friend has to know what you want to accomplish. Are you just looking for a slow dance or are you hoping for a long-term relationship? Let your friend know what is on your mind. If he doesn't already know the type of woman you're interested in, tell him. A good wingman can help you spot a potential flame. If your friend likes to dance, get him to ask the companion of your love interest to dance, leaving you alone with the object of your desire. If he doesn't dance, explain how he can engage the companion of your love interest in a lively conversation, leaving you opportunity to dance or otherwise engage with your target.

2 Your Desirable Qualities

Your friend is your friend, after all, so he should know your good qualities. But when you are meeting and matching, don't leave things to chance. Give your friend suggested hints to drop. If you're on the basketball team, tell your friend to make a remark about your three-point shot, or drop a hint about your college major. A really good wingman points out your talents or expertise.

3 Teach Your Friend to Run Interference

Sometimes you need someone to run interference for you. If you find yourself being monopolized by someone, a good wingman comes to your rescue. Develop a system before you go out. Give her a phrase, expression or gesture that will let her know that you want her to extract you from a situation. You can suggest to your wingman that she beg the monopolizer's pardon, explaining that she desperately needs you for a minute. She then drags you to the restroom. Guys know girls go to the restroom in packs, so it looks legit. You'll be saved from an undesirable match and available for a more desirable pairing once you reemerge.

4 Create Urgency

If you are in a social setting and spot someone of interest, you may have to recruit your friend to be your wingman on the spur of the moment. Tell your friend you need his help. Create a sense of urgency, recommends Jason Nazar in "The 21 Principles of Persuasion," published by Forbes. Get your friend excited about your opportunity to meet this special person. He can help you accomplish this. Discuss strategy: Your friend will strike up a conversation with the companion of your target, giving you access to the person you want to meet.

For Judy Kilpatrick, gardening is the best mental health therapy of all. Combining her interests in both of these fields, Kilpatrick is a professional flower grower and a practicing, licensed mental health therapist. A graduate of East Carolina University, Kilpatrick writes for national and regional publications.