Talking About the Past in a New Relationship

Avoid giving details that might cause your new partner to feel insecure.
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There's a chance you may see your ex around campus or at parties you attend on the weekend. While sharing the past with a new partner isn't out of the question, what you share, the amount of details you include and your timing is important. Be yourself, while answering questions and sharing details at a rate that is comfortable for the both of you.

1 Follow Your Gut

Relationships are built on trust and trust builds over time. While it's certainly not advisable to share every detail about your past on your second date, sharing details over time can help bring you closer. To build a long-lasting relationship with your partner, you should feel comfortable and free to be who you are. If you hide aspects of your life from your partner, this may signify that the relationship is not for you.

2 Lessons Learned

Past relationships teach people what they need and desire in the future. By analyzing and talking about past mistakes with your new partner, you can work to avoid repeating negative patterns in your new relationship. Follow the natural flow of the relationship. Resist the urge to give too much information early on. As your bond deepens, you'll be able to comfortably share more. Past memories, both negative and positive, can help bond the two of you.

3 Rules For Sharing

It is best to be honest with your partner when questions arise about previous sexual activity. It is important to let your partner know if you've ever had unprotected sex, had sex with someone who might have had unprotected sex or contracted a sexually transmitted disease, according to Megan Norris, marriage and family therapist, quoted in the Woman's Day article, "7 Tips For Revealing Your Sexual History." For health and safety reasons, your partner should do the same for you.

4 Hush, Hush

It is important to be aware of your new partner's sensitivities when it comes to how much you reveal about your past. Keep in mind that once you divulge something, you can't take it back. Avoid topics regarding how much your family and friends liked your ex. When you go to a restaurant, don't make the mistake of telling your new partner you once ate dinner with your ex there. Avoid telling your new partner about future plans you made with your ex; make new plans with him instead.

Karen Kleinschmidt has been writing since 2007. Her short stories and articles have appeared in "Grandma's Choice," "Treasure Box" and "Simple Joy." She has worked with children with ADHD, sensory issues and behavioral problems, as well as adults with chronic mental illness. Kleinschmidt holds a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Montclair State University.