How Can I Be Romantic When My Girlfriend Said I Treat Her More Like a Friend?

Planning something new and unexpected is very romantic.
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Being romantic is not as difficult as you may think. It’s all about thinking about your girlfriend and really trying. It’s about trial and error. Don’t get discouraged if all of your efforts don’t work out perfectly – she will appreciate your efforts more than you know. Pay attention to how you feel and go for it.

1 Pay Attention

One thing that can happen in any relationship is taking each other for granted. You can get so used to having her around or you can get so busy that you may forget to let her know how much she means to you. Take some time to focus only on her, writes psychologist Barton Goldsmith in his Psychology Today article, “10 Ways to Make Your Relationship Magically Romantic.” Make time to give her 100 percent of your attention. Shut off the TV, put down the magazine and focus on her. Really listen to what she has to say. Take the time to compliment her -- tell her she looks beautiful or that you love how funny she is. Remind her of how glad you are that she is in your life. Paying attention shows that you care.

2 Surprise!

Shake things up a little, Goldsmith suggests to associate editor Margarita Tartakovsky, for her Psych Central article, “15 Ideas for Keeping Romance Alive Year-Round.” If you see something that you know she would love, pick it up and surprise her the next time you see her. The gift doesn't need to be expensive -- a heart-shaped rock will let her know you were thinking of her. Write a note telling her that you love her and put it where she will unexpectedly find it. Plan a date doing something that you’ve never done before. Spend your next day off with her. Familiar is comfortable, but different can be exciting and romantic.

3 Touch Each Other

Couples sometimes forget to use physical affection to show how they feel. Couples who touch more tend to have less arguments and more relationship satisfaction, writes Goldsmith in another "Psychology Today" article entitled, “10 Relationship Behaviors of the Happiest Couples.” Simple gestures like giving her a back-rub or a long hug, holding her hand or cuddling can release oxytocin, a chemical not only important in relaxation, but also in emotional bonding.

4 Be Proactive

If you find that these things are working to make your relationship better and more romantic, don’t stop doing them. You have to continue to engage in romantic gestures to maintain the happiness of your relationship. Too often, when things get better, people go back to their previous behavior. Don’t let that happen. If you’ve found ways to make both you and your girlfriend happier and more satisfied with your relationship, keep doing not only those things, but also exploring new ways to be romantic.

Amy Guertin has a master's degree in counseling psychology and will earn her Ph.D. in 2014. Guertin is a licensed counselor and has 15 years of experience practicing psychotherapy, primarily working with children, adolescents and their families. She is also a college psychology professor and is the happiest when she is in the classroom.