How to Not Be Clingy in the Beginning of a Relationship

The initial attraction that you feel can result in neediness.
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When you feel that sudden spark of attraction that makes your heart flutter and your belly do flip-flops, it's easy to feel like you absolutely must stick near your new love 24-7. Even though it's common to feel this way in the beginning of a relationship, your constant cling can come off as needy. Stopping this behavior as soon as it starts can set a better tone for your relationship and boost your self-esteem.

1 Relax and Breathe

When the giddiness of a new relationship changes over into the desperate need to see your significant other, your feelings have gone overboard. If you feel like you have to see your guy right away or that you just can't stand another second without him, take a break and relax. Instead of picking up the phone and calling or texting him, cut the cling and try some deep breathing or another relaxation technique that works for you. Calming down can help you put your neediness in perspective and stop you from acting on your overly dependent urges.

2 Self-Esteem Makeover

Neediness and clingy behaviors may come from a lack of self-esteem, according to psychiatrist Mark Banschick in his "Psychology Today" article "Overcoming Neediness." Getting through the beginning stage of your relationship without acting clingy means boosting the confidence that you have in yourself. Stop thinking negatively, and instead focus on your positive attributes. For example, don't tell yourself that you aren't good enough for your new girl. Do tell yourself that she clearly appreciates your straight A intelligence or your athletic ability.

3 Share and Tell

Without the closeness that comes from sharing deep thoughts and feelings, your relationship may seem more like a crush than a real partnership. If you've just started dating and don't know your guy well, the lack of closeness may turn into neediness. Instead of clinging to your guy, get to know him better. Let your grip go, and have a conversation with your boyfriend. The more that you know about him, the more comfortable you'll begin to feel in your relationship.

4 Slow Down

There's no reason to rush your relationship. Enjoy the beginning of your new romance, and don't push it further faster than necessary. Slowing down can help to ease your clingy behaviors and make you less needy or dependent on your new love. This is essential if you are clinging to your mate out of fear. If the fear of abandonment is making you cling to your girlfriend, take a step back and see what happens. Instead of calling her constantly or wanting to go out together seven nights a week, take a day or two for yourself and don't see her. Not only will this take your relationship from light speed to a timely tempo, but it may also break you of your clingy ways.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.