What Does It Mean When Your Boyfriend Asks if We Are "OK" All the Time?

Arguing with your guy may make him question your relationship.
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Constantly hearing "Are we OK?" from your boyfriend can make you begin to wonder or worry whether your romance is a rosy as you think it is. There may be a problem with your relationship or with how you communicate, or your guy may suffer from insecurity or trust issues.

1 Trust Issues

Trust is a must in any healthy relationship, as the TeenHealth website points out. If your guy doesn't trust you, or he suspects that you don't trust him, he may ask if everything is OK. For example, if your boyfriend interprets the texts that your chem partner -- your male chem partner, that is -- sends you as romantic in nature, he may lose some trust in your ability to remain faithful to him. Whether you have any intention of cheating or it's all in his mind, he may continuously ask you if you're OK or if your relationship is OK. When he's asking you if your relationship is "OK" he may really be asking if you're trustworthy or if you think he is.

2 Communication Break-Down

Even if you think what you're feeling inside is readily obvious to your guy, don't forget that he isn't a psychic. If you're not communicating your wants, needs and feelings with your words, your guy may start asking if everything is OK with your relationship. While he might get a signal or two about how you feel based on the tone of your voice, your body language or gestures, his "Are we OK?" questions can be meant to open you up and get you to start communicating. Take a tip from your beau's questions and give him an answer to start the communication process and eliminate the need for constant questioning.

3 Needy Needs

If your guy seems clingy, needy or like he absolutely needs you around all of the time, you may also find him asking, "Are we OK?" During the teen and young adult years, relationships may not last long, dissolving as you -- and your guy -- change and grow. Developing your own identity and understanding what you want out of life -- and out of a romantic partner -- is part of growing into a mature adult. If you are changing, but your guy isn't, he may begin to cling to you and try to hold on to what's left of your relationship. While you are working out what you want in your own mind, he may start asking if you're OK or your relationship is. Chances are that he knows something is up, can feel the change or already realizes that the two of you are growing apart. Don't leave him dangling. Instead of keeping him guessing -- and asking -- communicate your need to end things in a caring way.

4 Self-Esteem Issues

Your guy's constant questioning may have less to do with you than it does with how he feels about himself. Your boyfriend's self-image -- how he sees himself -- directly influences his self-esteem or confidence. If he has low self-esteem and lacks confidence he may repeatedly ask you if the two of you are "OK." This doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't. Instead, it can indicate that he feels unsure about himself or is struggling to believe that you truly like him. You can reassure him that everything is indeed OK, provided that it actually is. If his floundering confidence is making your relationship a struggle, suggest that he talk to a professional or a more experienced adult -- such as a parent or teacher -- about his issues.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.