How to Handle Feelings for Another Guy When You Have a Boyfriend
He walks into chem class and your palms begin to sweat as your stomach fills with butterflies. He's cute, sweet and you are totally interested in him. You've been with your boyfriend for a while now, the only problem is -- the guy from chem isn't him. When you have a boyfriend, but are crushing on another guy too, handling your split feelings in a smart, sensitive way is a must.
1 Identity Explorer
Whether you are still in high school, are making your way through college or have recently graduated, keep in mind that you're still young. Even though you might want to have a serious, committed relationship, it's likely that you simply aren't ready to settle down just yet. During the teen and young adult years, you're exploring who you are and trying on different identities, asserts the article "Love and Romance," on the TeensHealth website. This means that you may develop feelings for a new partner as your likes, dislikes and life goals change. It's possible that you're changing, and your feelings for a new guy are evidence of this.
2 Consider Commitment
While a heavy commitment isn't always the norm for teens and young adults, if you do have this type of relationship, having feelings for another guy is especially troublesome. Unlike a casual relationship in which you and your guy hang out with friends or spend most of your time with your social circle, a committed relationship requires a promise of fidelity. Having feelings for another guy while you're in a committed relationship means deciding whether to break things off with your boyfriend or ignore your crush. Consider whether your commitment is something that you can continue to carry on. If not, end things before you become unfaithful.
3 Honestly Speaking
If your boyfriend trusts you -- and in a mature relationship he should -- having an interest in someone else may violate his trust, and acting on your crush definitely isn't being honest with your boyfriend. Dishonest behavior is likely to ruin your relationship in the long-run. Don't lie to him about your love interest or go behind his back and cheat. Instead of lying, be straight with your guy from the start. This doesn't mean that you have to tell him every time that another guy turns your head. Instead, if you know that you have real feelings for another guy, don't keep your mouth closed or lie to him about it.
4 Comforting Confession
If the stress and strain of having feelings for one guy while dating another is getting to you, open your heart -- and your mouth -- and confess. Even if you haven't acted, or don't think that you'll act, on your feelings, letting it all come out can help you to relax and figure out the situation. This is a tricky conversation to have, making sensitivity key. Start with something such as, "I don't want us to have any secrets. I've had a crush on my lab partner and I don't know what this means for you and me." Telling your boyfriend may mean that he breaks up with you, but it also might give you a different view of the situation. For example, your beau may admit that he hasn't been paying attention to you and suggest that's why you're having feelings for someone else.