What Do You Do When You're Unhappy With the Relationship but in Love?
You don't have to stay with your partner just because you are in love. If your relationship is making you unhappy, focusing on the source of the unhappiness will help you answer the question: Should I stay or should I go?
1 Thinking About It
Make sure your unhappiness is really about the relationship and not something else. Balancing your relationship with other things, like friendships and hobbies, can help you feel better about yourself. No romantic partner can fill all of your needs, so it is important to determine if your romantic expectations are realistic, according to the PsychCentral article "7 Tips on Developing and Maintaining a Successful Intimate Relationship." While expecting to spend time together a few nights a week may be realistic, expecting your partner to be with you whenever he has free time is not.
2 Talk It Out
Problems surface in even the healthiest of relationships. If you are unhappy, you cannot expect your partner to read your mind. Instead, arrange a calm time to discuss the issue. You might say, "I feel hurt when you do not call on the weekends, because I don't understand why we can't talk for ten minutes each night," according to licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi, in the Psychology Today article "The Art of Solving Relationship Problems." Name-calling, blaming or acting aggressive can cause your issues to carry on unresolved.
3 Time and Circumstances
As you go through high school and college, you may find that your personality and interests are changing rapidly, according to the TeensHealth article "Am I in a Healthy Relationship?" Your partner may also be experiencing the same thing. Issues with self-esteem are common at this time, and you may find it difficult to be in a relationship while struggling to like yourself. Continuing to cling to a relationship even though you and your partner are growing in different directions may leave both of you feeling unfulfilled. If personal problems or growing pains are interfering with your relationship, it may be ideal to separate or take a break.
4 Moving On
Maybe you love your partner, but feel more relaxed and confident when you are apart, and you no longer talk unless you are arguing. If you also find yourself fantasizing about being single again, it may be time to leave the relationship, according to licensed mental health counselor Stephanie Sarkis, in the Psychology Today article "7 Signs You're Headed for a Breakup." When you do end the relationship, you should do so in person and avoid name-calling or blaming, according to TwoofUs.org's article "Breaking Up With Kindness and Respect." You might begin the conversation by saying, "I have made a difficult decision. I have enjoyed our time together, but we have different goals for the future. I feel we should move on."
- 1 TeensHealth: Am I In a Healthy Relationship?
- 2 University of Wisconsin Oshkosh: Handling Disagreements
- 3 Psychology Today: The Art of Solving Relationship Problems
- 4 Psychology Today: 7 Signs You're Headed for a Breakup
- 5 PsychCentral: 7 Tips on Developing and Maintaining a Successful Intimate Relationship