Dating a Man Whose Ex Hates You

Flirting in front of her may make your guy's ex dislike you.
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Although most teens and young adults haven’t been in the dating pool long enough to accumulate a long list of exes, when your current beau has an ex who hates you, problems can quickly arise. When jealousy rears its ugly head or your new guy’s past flame starts making mean comments, you have options that will either help you to mend or end your new relationship.

1 Trust Issues

Before you begin fixing your boyfriend problem, look at what’s causing your feelings. If trust issues are at the root of your belief that his ex hates you, you’ll need to re-evaluate just how healthy your relationship is. Ask yourself if she truly doesn’t like you, or if you’re feeling of jealous in some way. While some degree of jealousy is normal for anyone in any relationship, when it gets to the point of causing problems, arguments or making you feel badly about yourself, it’s a true stumbling block. Without trust, you may have an unhealthy relationship, according to the experts at the TeensHealth website. For example, if you snoop through your boyfriend’s phone to see of his ex is texting him “mean” things about you, it’s time to either rebuild the trust level or end things.

2 Honest Actions

While you might want to put all of the blame on the seemingly vicious ex, if your guy isn’t being entirely honest in your relationship you might have real cause to worry. Depending on your guy’s relationship with his ex, it’s possible that he’s still leading her on. For example, if your beau is still calling or texting his ex and telling her that he loves her or might leave you for her, the hatred that you feel is more likely her confusion over the situation. Can you blame the girl for feeling ill will towards you if she thinks you’re the roadblock in her relationship? That said, if your guy is lying to you and telling you that he does not intend to get back with her, consider ending things promptly.

3 Respectful Reasons

If your guy’s ex is spreading nasty rumors about you, throwing a tantrum when she sees you out in public or making your life miserable, looking to your boyfriend for help isn’t out of the question. While you’re not a child anymore, and are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, stepping in to stop the nonsense shows that your guy has a mature level of respect for you. Without mutual respect, relationships tend to falter or fall through, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Make your man mindful of your feelings and explain that you deserve respect from his ex as well as from him. Although you don’t need him to stage a full-fledged intervention, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask him to talk to his ex about respecting your new relationship.

4 Mending Fences

Communication is key in any successful relationship, according to If you are butting heads with your boyfriend over his ex’s actions, you’ll need to speak with him openly about this issue before you make a decision to cut him loose. Ask him why he thinks his ex hates you and what role he has in her feelings. He may reveal feelings of his own that you didn’t know he had or give you a reason that you never thought of. Additionally, you might not have a full awareness of your own actions. For example, his ex may hate you because you spoke poorly about her when you were first dating your guy or because he left her for you. In this case, you may need to apologize to her or attempt to make her understand that you didn’t mean to hurt her.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.