Why Is My Ex Ignoring Me When We Agreed to Be Friends?

Your ex may not want to deal with your pleas for her attention.
... Robert Koene/Photodisc/Getty Images

Whether the two of you simply grew apart, one of you met someone else or you just realized it wasn't meant to be, ending a relationship is never easy. If the break up terms included a pledge to stay friends, making the transition from romance to reality may get bumpy at times. When your ex isn't acting like your friend, or is ignoring you, understanding what is going on with him is key to getting your own life back on track.

1 Not the Whole Truth

When your ex said that the two of you could remain friends, did she really mean it or was she just trying to smooth over an unpleasant conversation? A respectful break up should include an honest explanation and an honest outcome. It's possible that your ex got scared or was stressing about your reaction and choose to lie about -- or over-state -- her post-break up intentions. If she said that the two of you could stay friends, but now she doesn't even seem to notice you, consider the possibility that she didn't tell the whole truth when she ended things. Even though she may have acted dishonestly, you can honestly speak up and ask her what's going on. Get to the point and ask her if she really wants to stay friends or she just said that to make you feel better.

2 Moving On

If your ex broke up with you because he found someone else or he now has a new girl, he may ignore you out of respect for his new love. It's common during the teen years to seek out new relationships as new experiences, according to the experts at TeensHealth. While you and your ex may not have been right for each other, his new girlfriend may fit the bill. Even though he still thinks of you as a friend, he may not want to upset her or make her jealous by continuing to have a close relationship with you. This doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong or asking too much of him, but instead that he has his own relationship issues to deal with. Try putting yourself in his shoes or thinking about how his new girlfriend feels. Ask yourself how you would like it if your boyfriend still hung out with or texted his ex.

3 Hurt Feelings

Getting over a relationship is often painful. While you and your ex might agree to remain friends, if she's feeling the overwhelming sadness that often comes along with the loss of a relationship, she may not want a constant reminder of what was. Think about the old adage, "out of sight, out of mind" when it comes to how she's dealing with the break up. If your former flame cuts all ties even though she said staying friends was possible, she may just need time to get over you. Hanging out as friends, texting or emailing each other may add to her hurt feelings or remind her of what she is missing.

4 Support System

Finding the emotional or psychological support that you need to get over a breakup is key to your mental health. Your friends, a sibling, your parents or a therapist can all provide the help that you need when you go through a bad break up. That said, don't count your ex as one of your emotionally supportive friends. If the two of you agreed to stay friends, that doesn't mean that he wants late night crying calls from you. Unlike your other friends, who should provide emotional support, rehashing the break up repeatedly to your ex may make him turn away. He may feel uncomfortable, he may not know how to handle your sadness or he may know that he's the wrong person to support you at this time.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.