Relighting a Spark in Your Relationship

Remember the way you engaged in conversation when your relationship was new.
... Hemera Technologies/ Images

A new relationship provides surprises, excitement and intrigue for the happy participants. The novelty of a new relationship wanes as partners learn to know one another, and their interactions settle into a safe comfort zone. Sadly, it’s not uncommon for those in a relationship to voice that the routine of day-to-day experiences causes their relationship to feel stale. If connecting with your sweetheart seems a bit too ordinary, you can take steps to relight a spark in your relationship.

1 Remember What Caught Your Eye

When the relationship becomes mundane, it’s natural to count the negative qualities in your partner and ignore all the positive attributes that first attracted you, according to Carla Tara, a couples counselor with over 25 years of experience, in the article "How to Rekindle a Relationship." Resist the temptation to fall into this trap by focusing on the qualities that originally captivated your attention -- they’re still there. Write those qualities down and then add all the new positive discoveries made since you met; you will find that you have an impressive list.

2 Surprise!

Mix things up a bit. You can make a regular date anything but ordinary by changing the venue. For example, if you typically eat weekend lunches at a fast food restaurant, plan a picnic lunch in the park. If you normally complete homework assignments together at your house, suggest meeting at the library, and browse for books once the homework is done. Adding an element of surprise into a routine event recharges the activity with newness, which, in turn, can recharge your relationship.

3 What Did You Say?

When your relationship was new, communication served more than the purpose of exchanging facts. You talked to learn more about your love interest’s hobbies, passions and fears. You were funny, you demonstrated spectacular listening skills and you probably left your sweetheart looking forward to talking with you again. You may still remember the conversations from your first dates because they were memorable. Engage in memorable conversation, take the time to be a good listener and make new memories together again.

4 It's Not My Fault

Relationships are never flawless. You're not perfect; the good news is you don't have to be to relight a spark in your relationship. You do, however, need to admit when you screw up. When you say or do something that your partner interprets as hurtful, apologize. Failing to say that you are sorry places a brick on a wall between you and your significant other, and it doesn’t take long for the wall to appear insurmountable.