How Much Should You Communicate When First Dating?

One of the biggest concerns when dating someone is whether you are communicating enough for the relationship to develop. There is no right or wrong answer regarding how much contact a couple should have when they are in the early stages of dating. Some couples find that talking for hours every day brought them closer together, while others find that respecting each other's time and space is what worked for them. Taking an individual approach and considering the other person's personality will help you find how much communication is appropriate for both of you.

Personality is a determining factor in how much communication to expect when you are first dating. If the other person is quiet, shy or not very communicative, don't expect frequent text messages or calls. On the other hand, receiving text messages several times a day from someone that is very talkative and social isn't unusual. It's important to adjust how much you contact the other person by taking their personality and daily activities into account. If he is a very focused and private person, keep your calls or texts minimal during work hours. If he seems to like constant communication, take the time to send him short messages throughout the day.

If one of you is in a fast-paced job and works many hours, communication will probably be minimal during the week. Dating someone who doesn't carry a cell phone or has limited service will also have a big effect on how much you communicate. The important thing to keep in mind is that every dating situation is different. Even if your friends suggest that you should talk every day, remember that there are many other factors that are particular to your dating situation.

Although we've often been told to play it cool or act uninterested to attract the opposite sex, research shows otherwise. According to Arthur Aron, a professor at State University of New York at Stonybrook and a researcher in the field of romance and human relations, "we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion." The other person needs reassurance that they are not the only one interested in establishing a relationship. Make it a point to also contact them instead of waiting around for them to get in touch with you. Showing that you are interested in maintaining communication will keep them motivated to stay in touch.

Don't focus too much on how much communication goes on while you are first dating. Pay attention to the quality of your interactions. If he calls you only a few times a week but spends time asking about how you're doing and what is going on in your life, it shows that he is interested. A person that sends you short frequent messages and doesn't show concern about how you're doing or forgets things that you talked about is probably not interested in a relationship or might be a serial dater.