Each relationship is a partnership between two individuals, and what works for one couple might be wrong for another. Some couples talk frequently throughout the day, trading one-liners or empathizing with their partner's daily dramas. Others talk only once every few days, spending an hour or two in deep philosophical conversation. Figuring out what works for you is a balancing act that takes into account the things that you both find important.
KidsHealth.org explains that romantic love has three components: attraction, closeness and commitment. While attraction is biochemical and commitment is a decision you make, closeness builds as you share time and experiences together. Regular communication is a critical factor in developing closeness. Phone calls and texts are especially important if you and your girlfriend do not see each other frequently. Sharing your feelings, hopes and dreams creates a lasting bond.
While closeness is important, a healthy relationship also requires space. An article for eHarmony.com notes that nothing in life grows and thrives without space. You and your girlfriend have obligations, hobbies, friends and relatives that deserve your time and attention. Honor and respect each other enough to create the space necessary to pursue your outside interests. If that means not talking for a few days, trust that the relationship will survive.
Different Attachment Styles
You and your girlfriend might have different styles of relating to other people. On PsychologyToday.com, psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps points out that differing attachment styles can cause problems for couples. You might have very different ideas about how often to talk or text. The person with a higher need for attachment might think the other doesn’t care, while the one with a less attached style sees her partner as clingy.
The best way to resolve any relationship issue is through honest and loving communication. Sit down with your girlfriend and talk about how you both see the relationship. Ask her how often she thinks you should talk, and calmly tell her what you think. If you two are far apart on the issue, find ways to compromise. For example, you might promise to send a check-in text every day if she agrees not to call you right before bed.
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