How to Fix the Fact That You & Your Boyfriend Don't Talk
Communication can make or break a relationship. Couples often find that lack of communication leads to distance and conflict. If you find that you and your boyfriend don't talk as much as you'd like, take steps to develop healthy communication between you. Over time, you will find that conversing on a regular basis will become effortless and more meaningful.
1 Create Opportunities for Communication
If you spend most of your time together in public places or hanging out with mutual friends, you don't have opportunities to have private conversations as a couple. Plan activities where you can spend alone time together in an intimate setting, such as having a movie night or dinner at home. Your boyfriend will be more open to sharing personal things if other people are not around. Ask your boyfriend to set aside some time at least once a month where you can talk about how your relationship is going. During this time, you can talk about things that the other person did that bothered you, thank the other person for doing something nice or thoughtful or just talk about future plans.
2 Engage in Healthy Communication
Keeping communication respectful will help keep both of you motivated to talk to each other. Avoid making assumptions or judging when your boyfriend shares things about his life. Practice good listening skills by letting him talk without interruptions, paying attention to what he is saying, asking questions and rephrasing to make sure you are fully understanding what he is saying. It's also important to pay attention to the way that you communicate. "Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be direct and honest; don't dance around the issue or play games," writes Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, on "Psychology Today" online. Being open and honest when sharing with your boyfriend will encourage him to do so as well.
3 Pick up a Hobby Together
Couples that share interests and activities have more opportunities to talk with one another. Pick up a hobby that you can do with your boyfriend, such as joining a sports team, taking a class or doing volunteer work. Spending time together doing something you like will give you plenty of time and things to talk about. It will also provide an opportunity for you to bond and develop a closer relationship. Once you feel more connected, communication will become more effortless and consistent.
4 Pick up on Nonverbal Signs
A lot of communication happens when you are not speaking. Learn to pick up on your boyfriend's nonverbal signals to determine if he needs to talk about something. If he is unusually quiet, moody or looking sad, ask him what is going on or if there is something he needs to talk about. Picking up on his cues and encouraging conversation will help him open up to you. You will learn to read his body language and facial expressions and will realize if he needs to be alone or if it's a good time to start a conversation. Over time, he will find it easier to open up to you without waiting for you to ask him what is going on.