How to Be a Good Wingman as a Woman

To be a good wingwoman you have to take on a matchmaker's mindset. Think of your friend as a client who has a list of things he -- or she -- may want in a date. In her book, "Flirt Fearlessly: The A to Z Guide to Getting Your Flirt On," matchmaker Rachel DeAlto explains the importance of knowing what your friend is looking for in terms of the type of relationship -- long-term or short-term, casual or serious -- and type of person he is looking to date. Ask the 5 Ws: who, what, when -- when you will leave for home or go somewhere else -- where and why he wants to do this.

A talented wingwoman knows how to connect with males and other females to build a rapport and gain their trust. PR consultant Nafeesa Saboor, who works as a professional wingwoman part-time, did a Q&A with "Essence" and stressed the importance of having a strategy before approaching someone. You must be sociable and able to evaluate a situation -- such as what to do when there is someone else present who may be preventing the connection between your friend and the person of interest. It might mean you'll have to distract the girl's friends so that he can have time alone with her. If you're helping out a female friend, it could mean chatting to the friend of the target guy so that he won't feel like his friend is getting left out.

One of the jobs of being a wingwoman is to know when to blend into the background. If your friend and the person of interest have hit it off, know when to move away and let them have time alone. If you are a wingwoman to a female, be wary of giving off the impression that you are flirting with the target guy. Saboor advises flirting with one of the guy's friends to avoid giving him the wrong impression. Before going out, assure your friend that you are not going to try to steal her potential date, but there is a chance a target guy may show more interest in you than her -- and it may be beyond your control. In that case, reassure her that there are many other guys and that she wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't into her anyway.

An important part of the job is highlighting all of your friend's good qualities to make him or her appear desirable. It's important that you promote his unique and interesting characteristics. For example, laugh at your guy friend's jokes to draw attention to his sense of humor, or tell a story about the time your female friend made a difference in her community. It's important that you are not too obvious and over-compliment your friend -- this may come off as fake. To be a strong wingwoman, learn to be natural when bringing up your friend's positive traits in conversation. Be genuine but also enthusiastic

A smart wingwoman knows when to give up. Saboor speaks about the importance of understanding when to stop pushing for a connection. Pay attention to signs that the other person is not interested in your friend. If the target seems distant or not into the conversation, it's time to move on. Even though every attempt may not be a success, continue to have fun, be positive and encouraging -- your friend will thank you for it.