How to Overcome the Fear of Asking a Girl Out

If a relationship doesn't work out, it reached its maximum potential.
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Asking a girl out is never easy, but for some people it is downright terrifying. At its heart, the fear of asking a girl out is really a fear of rejection. You might be afraid of being embarrassed, getting hurt or not having a date for an important event. To raise your confidence and diminish your fear, take the time to get in touch with the emotions behind your reluctance.

1 Understanding the Fear of Rejection

According to the article "Beyond Fear of Rejection and Loneliness to Self-Confidence" by Tom G. Stevens, Ph.D., of the California State University, Bakersfield, Counseling Center, the fear of rejection increases with the importance you give the other person and your own perceived lack of skill. Diminishing the importance of one particular date and raising your self-confidence can help you overcome your fear.

2 Playing the Odds

Stevens points out that each relationship has an individual maximum intimacy potential. That means that most girls, even those you think are cute, are not destined to become your serious girlfriend. The odds are good that you will have lots of female friends and date numerous girls before you get serious with someone. Concentrate on building up your skills at flirting and dating rather than worrying about whether a particular girl will say yes.

3 Increasing Your Confidence

Visualization techniques can help you improve your self-confidence. You know what it looks like when a confident, self-assured guy gets a date with a beautiful girl. Take some time out to picture yourself in that scenario. Make the visualization as detailed as possible, picturing the clothes you will wear, the ice breaker you will use and even the body language you will display. Don’t forget to complete the visualization by picturing her agreeing to the date.

4 Accepting the Possibility of Rejection

The fear of rejection is heightened by imagining horrific scenarios. It is always possible that she will be cold or even mean. If that happens, you will survive. Your ego will be bruised and you might be embarrassed. Most of the time, however, girls are gentle when turning down a date. Most are flattered by the attention even when circumstances prevent them from pursuing a relationship. Like all other skills, accepting rejection with grace and humor becomes easier with practice. If you are particularly afraid, make it a mission to ask out several girls over a short period of time. As you get used to the feeling, your fear will begin to subside.

Lisa Fritscher is a freelance writer specializing in disabled adventure travel. She spent 15 years working for Central Florida theme parks and frequently travels with her disabled father. Fritscher's work can be found in both print and online mediums, including She holds a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from the University of South Florida.