What if You Don't Feel Comfortable Kissing Your Boyfriend?

If you don't feel comfortable kissing your boyfriend, it could be a sign you are not a good match.
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You and your boyfriend have been together for a while now, but when it comes to kissing, you just don't feel comfortable. Maybe you feel nervous about being intimate, maybe kissing isn't your thing or maybe it just doesn't feel right with him. Whatever the reason, if your boyfriend is anxious for a kiss, you will need to eventually share how you are feeling.

1 Talk to Him

Some people have trouble kissing because they are not ready for the level of intimacy that it involves, says psychologist Linda Young, in the "Psychology Today" online article, "Sealed With(out) a Kiss." If your discomfort stems from a bad experience in the past or because you are afraid to share yourself in such an intimate way, try to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Let him know that you feel emotionally vulnerable when you kiss, or that you just aren't ready to move beyond hugs and being close for now. He may be more patient if he knows the reasons for your discomfort -- and he will be less likely to have hurt feelings if you turn him down in the heat of the moment.

2 Other Ways to Show Affection

If you aren't comfortable kissing your boyfriend, you can still show him you care in other ways. Give him hugs, touch him on the arm or hold his hand when you are in public. Show him that you care with a quick email or text just to say, "Thinking about you." Give him a sentimental gift for special occasions such as a handmade card on Valentine's Day or a photo album with pictures of the two of you for his birthday. Until you become more comfortable, there are many ways to show affection beyond kissing.

3 Sensory Defensiveness

Some people suffer with a problem known as "sensory defensiveness," meaning that you react more to things that don't bother other people such as sound, light and touch, writes psychologist Marie Hartwell-Walker, in the Psych Central article, "I Don't Like Being Touched." If you think sensory defensiveness may be behind your discomfort with being kissed, it is possible to gradually overcome the issue by taking things slowly and gradually trying to do more. For example, you might start with a quick peck on the cheek, and once that feels okay, move to a quick kiss on the lips. Dr. Hartwell-Walker also suggests talking to an occupational therapist to help you work through the issue.

4 Mr. Wrong

It could be that you don't feel comfortable kissing your boyfriend for good reason -- you may just not be a good match. In the University of Texas at Austin article, "A Kiss Is Not Just a Kiss," research associate and author Sheril Kirshenbaum writes that kissing allows you to get close enough to inhale your partner's unique scent -- and females are most attracted to those with a scent genetically different than their own. This biological wiring is not something that you can control, and you may not even realize it until that first kiss. If you keep trying and it just doesn't feel right, it could simply be that you and your boyfriend are not meant to be.

Arlin Cuncic has been writing about mental health since 2007, specializing in social anxiety disorder and depression topics. She served as the managing editor of the "Journal of Attention Disorders" and has worked in a variety of research settings. Cuncic holds an M.A. in clinical psychology.