How to Win Him Back If You Were Too Clingy

Carefully reassure him that you've cut the cling.
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Sometimes your guy needs space. That said, the more space he seems to need, the more you cling to him. Your needy behavior eventually wears him down, and he dumps you out of despair. You take a look back at what went wrong and think that you can correct your clinginess and rekindle your love. If you want to win him back after being too clingy, take stock of your needs, consider your actions and prove to him that you're an independent person.

1 Assert Your Identity

If clinging to him meant that you lost your identity in his, show him how much you've changed, and assert your individuality. For example, when you started your relationship, you had your own friends and your own interests -- such as playing tennis with your best buds or going to see foreign films. As your relationship progressed, you adopted your guy's interests as your own, clinging to him and his friends as your only social support. Eventually, he missed the independent tennis-playing, foreign-film-watching person he had fallen for. Win him back by showing him that the independent you is back. Make a point of staying true to you and keeping up your outside friendships and activities, without clinging on to his.

2 Offer Space

Give your ex some space. After acting clingy, you need to back off if you have any hope of winning him back. Instead of constantly calling him and begging for his forgiveness, take a step back and leave him alone for a while. There's no tried-and-true rule for how much space to give him or how long you should leave him alone. Allow at least as much time as he needs to cool down. If he's not ready to talk to you, he won't answer the phone or reply to your texts. When he sees that you can give him the space that he needs, he'll be more open to reuniting -- or at least to talking things through.

3 Act More Like an Adult

Ditch your needy notions and act more mature. Respect your ex and show him that you can observe his boundaries. When you're trying to win him back, communicate that you are ready to accept and respect his wants and needs. For example, if you constantly texted him, day and night, while the two of you were dating, make it clear that you're mature enough to stop doing this now and in the future. Keep in mind that his past experiences with you may make him hesitant to believe you. You will need to prove your new mature outlook by showing him that you can restrain yourself and respect his boundaries.

4 New You

If your clingy ways came from your own insecurity, take the time to work on yourself. Instead of listening to the little voice in your head that's saying, "You aren't good enough for him," listen to the big one that's shouting, "Yes you are!" The more self-esteem that you have, the better able you are to win back your boyfriend. Set up a meeting over coffee, or ask him over to talk. Stride into the room with confidence and let him know that if he wants to work things out, "Great!," but if not, you'll "get over it." This shows him that you don't "need" him, but instead would like to have him back.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.