Perhaps you told your boyfriend a lie, repeated something told in confidence or kissed someone else. Regardless, your behavior cost you your boyfriend’s trust, which is a vital part of a healthy relationship. Gaining his trust back is possible, but it will take commitment, time and effort to rebuild the lost trust.
How You Respond
Your response to your betrayal plays a role in gaining your boyfriend's trust back. The ability to heal and repair trust in a relationship has a lot to do with the response of the betrayer to the situation, say Linda and Charlie Bloom, both therapists and authors of “7 Steps to Healing Broken Trust” on Psych Central. It’s important that you are open, honest and non-defensive when discussing the betrayal. If you approach the topic defensively and evasively, you will come across as less sincere and apologetic for your behavior, thus seeming less likely that the behavior won’t be repeated.
Acknowledge the Hurt
In repairing the loss of trust, it’s important that you acknowledge your boyfriend’s feelings. He likely will feel hurt, betrayed, angry or any number of other emotions. If you dismiss or deny his pain, his hurt can continue to grow and it decreases the chance that trust will be regained, warns David Bedrick, a counselor and author of “Building and Repairing Trust: Keys to Sustainable Relationship” on "Psychology Today" online. Listen to how your boyfriend feels, be willing to answer any questions and express regret for your behavior. If you don’t acknowledge your behavior and show remorse and compassion for your actions, your boyfriend might feel that you don’t understand his pain and you might not regain his trust.
Apologize for Your Action
An important step in regaining your boyfriend’s trust is apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions. When apologizing, do not make any excuses for your behavior or try to minimize what you did, suggests Michael Salas, a therapist and author of “How to Get Your Partner to Trust You Again” on Psych Central. For instance, don’t say, “If you were more attentive, I would have never done what I did.” Rather, say, “What I did was wrong and I’m sorry. I should never have done it.” Accepting responsibility for your behavior shows that you are truly sorry and that you don’t plan on continuing the behavior.
Commitment to Honesty
To gain your boyfriend’s trust back, it's important that you commit to complete honesty. For instance, be truthful about where you’re going, who you will be with and who texted you. Despite demonstrating your commitment to honesty, your boyfriend may need you to prove that he can trust you before he is willing to believe you, assert Bloom and Bloom. Depending on the offense, you may have to demonstrate some transparency in your relationship, such as showing your boyfriend your phone for him to see who called or texted. Be patient as you work to regain his trust. If you try to rush the process, you may come across as disrespecting his feelings, warns Salas.
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