Jealousy is not only a green-eyed monster, but it is one that cowers under the bed, afraid to face the challenges of a relationship directly. If you struggle with this emotion, your girlfriend is not likely to be impressed. "Jealously tends to make the jealous party appear and feel weak, insecure, inferior, needy and lacking in self-esteem," says psychologist Mary Lamia in the "Psychology Today" article "What Can Jealousy Teach You?" There's good news, though. If you're struggling with jealousy and are aware that your behavior is affecting your relationships, you've already dealt the monster its death blow.
Jealousy Betrays Feelings of Insecurity
Jealousy is a fear-based emotion, says marriage and family therapist Emily Christensen in the "FamilyShare" article "How to Get Over Jealousy." If the girl you're dating is wise enough to realize this, your jealous behavior will serve only to illuminate the fact that you react to life's circumstances rather than having the confidence to handle life on its own terms. When you repeatedly question your girlfriend about the guy she talked to at the party, you betray your insecurities while your strengths take a back seat.
Jealousy Makes You Look Out of Control
When you display jealous behavior, you appear enslaved to emotions rather than confident or mature. Dissatisfaction with the amount of time your girlfriend spends with you, for example, can be a sign you are not taking responsibility for your feelings, says relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D., in the article, "Emotional Dependency, Needing Space" on Huffington Post. When you find yourself feeling jealous, instead of expressing those feelings to your girlfriend, examine the reason for your feeling and replace it. For example, if you're jealous over your girlfriend's standing Friday night date with her girlfriends because you're afraid you will feel lonely, make your own plans -- replace fear with initiative.
Jealousy Is Self-Centered
When you give in to feelings of jealousy, you're protecting your own interests, not those of the person you care about. It takes a strong person to look out for the needs of others, and if you're wasting energy asking your girlfriend for reassurance that you're more attractive than the other guys she's dated, you're wasting energy you could spend on making your girlfriend feel fabulous. To be your girl's hero, take the focus off yourself, and you'll appear much stronger.
Jealousy Makes You Appear Dependent
If you're not OK emotionally unless you know where your girlfriend is at all times, you're demonstrating that your happiness depends on her actions. This is dependent behavior, and can certainly cause a woman to perceive you as weak. To come across as strong, cultivate your own happiness that is not dependent on whether or not your girlfriend causes you to feel secure. Become involved in plenty of your own interests, and enjoy a wide circle of friends, and you'll find that the ugly green thing will take a step back.
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