The thought of your girlfriend visiting her guy friend may cause you to put up your guard. You may feel a twinge of jealousy and question her intentions, even if you have no reason not to trust her. While the situation may be uncomfortable for you, communicating your feelings and discussing the circumstances with your girlfriend can help ease your discomfort.
Put Yourself in Her Shoes
While you may be uncomfortable with the idea of your girlfriend visiting her male friend, try to see the situation from her perspective. Showing empathy and consideration for her point of view and her feelings is important, says Jeremy Nicholson, a psychologist and author of "Basic Rules for Successful Relationships" on his website "The Attraction Doctor." For instance, you might tell her, "I think that's really great that you have a friend you enjoy spending time with." Trying to understand the situation from her perspective can help you see the situation from another viewpoint.
Discuss your concerns and fears with your girlfriend. For instance, you might say, "You're a great catch, and I'm worried that your friend might have romantic feelings for you." Be honest, direct and open in your communication with your girlfriend. It can be beneficial for you to ask your girlfriend to share her feelings about her friend, according to Susie and Otto Collins, relationship coaches and authors of "Is My Partner's Friend a Threat to Our Relationship" on the "Your Tango" website. Hearing from your girlfriend's mouth that she only sees her male pal as a platonic friend can be reassuring.
It's important to set ground rules and boundaries as to what is acceptable behavior and what isn't for all parties involved, according to the TwoofUs.org article "Opposite Sex Friendships." For example, you and your girlfriend may agree that it's OK for her to visit her guy friend, but staying overnight is not appropriate. Perhaps you agree that she call once a day to let you know that she's thinking about you or that you meet him. Setting rules and boundaries can help to assuage your insecurities and worries.
Deal With Your Jealousy
Jealousy is a type of worry, says Robert L. Leahy, a clinical professor of psychology, and his colleague Dennis Trich in the article "Jealousy: Taming the Green-Eyed Monster" on TwoofUs.org. For instance, you might worry that your girlfriend has romantic feelings for her guy friend and will ultimately leave you for him. It's important that you realize that jealous thoughts are just that, only thoughts, and not reality, Leahy and Trich say. Remind yourself of that when you start to feel jealous. Realizing that uncertainty is normal in relationships can also be helpful, Leahy and Trich say. You can't predict what will happen in the future, and it can be helpful to accept that you can't control everything.
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