Insecurities, while normal at times, can be very harmful to the health of your relationship. Worrying that your significant other might meet someone new or feeling jealous when your partner talks to an attractive person, gets tiring. Insecurities can make you feel needy and suspicious and can cause you to smother your significant other. Learning to prevent your insecurities can make your relationship happier and healthier.
You can't be happy in an intimate relationship if you don't love yourself, says TwoOfUs.org in "How Insecurities Can Harm Your Relationship." Focus on the positive qualities you possess. Write out a list of them. For example, you might be a great volleyball player, be very intelligent or have an ability to make others feel comfortable. Don't focus on what you find negative about yourself. Self-doubt can cause insecurities in relationships, says Suzanne Phillips, a licensed psychologist and author of "Is Your Self-Esteem Threatening Your Relationship?" on PsychCentral. Develop and focus on your on self-worth independent of your relationship. For example, go hiking with friends, join a running club or take cooking classes.
Don't Compare Relationships
Don't focus on your past relationships. Don't hold the sins of past partners against your current partner. For example, if your last boyfriend cheated on you, don't accuse your current one of cheating without good reason. Focus on your current relationship and remind yourself that your boyfriend is not your ex. Direct your attention to the experience of feeling secure and loved, says Dylan Selterman, a social psychologist and author of "How Do I Stop Being 'Clingy'?" on the Science of Relationships website.
Trust Your Significant Other
When love is healthy and strong, it enables you to trust and to relax, says Carista Luminare and Lion Goodman, both marriage counselors and authors of "Is Anxiety Hijacking Your Passion & Romance?" on Your Tango. Don't look for hidden meaning behind things. For example, if you see a picture of her ex-boyfriend in your girlfriend's bedroom, don't assume she is pining over him. She may have simply overlooked the photograph. Don't snoop through her belongings. Snooping is not effective because it does not fix what's wrong in your relationship, if there is something wrong, says Pepper Schwartz, who holds a Ph.D. in sociology and is the author of "Are You the Jealous Type?" on the AARP website.
Do not jump to conclusions or accuse your significant other of something without knowing all of the facts. If there is something bothering you, discuss it with your boyfriend. Don't fixate on it and let it blow out of proportion. If there is something that your boyfriend can do to help ease your insecurities, talk to him about it. Communicating effectively can help develop trust, says HelpGuide.org in "Effective Communication."
- TwoOfUs.org: How Insecurities Can Harm Your Relationship
- Your Tango: Is Anxiety Hijacking Your Passion & Romance?
- PsychCentral: Is Your Self-Esteem Threatening Your Relationship?
- AARP: Are You the Jealous Type?
- Science of Relationships: How Do I Stop Being "Clingy?"
- HelpGuide.org: Effective Communication
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