I'm Good-Looking But Don't Have a Girlfriend
Although looks can give men a good edge in the dating scene, physical attractiveness alone is often not enough to help a guy find a girlfriend. One issue may be that women look for other qualities in a boyfriend, such as intelligence, kindness and a stable lifestyle. Even if you do have all of these qualities, if you are not emphasizing them, it might be difficult for women to see you as boyfriend material. Charm involves more than physical appearance, argues Dr. Fredric Neuman in the "Psychology Today" article "Making a Good Impression on a First Date."
1 Confidence Issues
One issue that might be holding you back is how you project your self-image. If you know that you are physically attractive, you run the risk of coming across as vain or egotistical, even if this is not a part of your character. In other words, while confidence can be an attractive trait in men, emphasize qualities other than your physical appearance, such as your thoughtfulness, sense of humor or accomplishments. On the flip side, even though you recognize you are good-looking, if you feel inadequate and incapable of finding a girlfriend, your lack of confidence may be off-putting to women.
2 Approach to Dating
A reason you may not have a girlfriend in spite of your appearance is that you are not actively seeking out women or looking for dates in the right places. For example, if you spend a lot of time hanging out with your guy friends or participating in male-only social activities, you probably have a limited dating pool. Likewise, if you limit yourself to meeting career-oriented women in classes at school or honor society meetings, you may be attracting women who don't have time for a committed relationship right now. If this is the case for you, joining community groups, clubs, co-ed sports teams or other social groups might put you in touch with more women who have qualities in common with you and who have time to date.
3 Social Behavior
When you are looking for a girlfriend, consider taking a careful look at your personality. Are you approachable? For example, when you meet women you are interested in, do you smile and try to make conversation? Likewise, when you are in social situations, think about how you come across. If you show interest in a woman’s goals, schoolwork, hobbies or other important parts of her life, she may be more likely to go out with you than if you simply talk about yourself. Make sure the conversation is two-sided. As part of your self-assessment process, it may be helpful to ask a trusted friend to give you feedback on how you come across in social situations.
4 Pushing Women Away
Although you want a girlfriend, you may actually be pushing women away by your desire to find a partner. When some men find a woman they are attracted to, they become so attached that they inadvertently push their partners away with possessive, clingy behavior, explains clinical psychologist Gerry Heisler in the article "Are You Erecting Love Barriers Part Two: Coming on Too Strong" from "Psychology Today."
- 1 Florida Institute of Technology Counseling and Psychological Services: The Art of Dating
- 2 Psychology Today: Are You Erecting Love Barriers Part Two: Coming On Too Strong
- 3 Psychology Today: Making a Good Impression on a First Date
- 4 The Relationship Insider: How to Meet Single Men Without Going To Bars