What Do I Do When I Have a Crush on My Older Brother's Friend?

Try talking to your crush on a neutral ground such as school.
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He walks through the door and your palms begin to get sticky, your heart flutters and your cheeks blush. When you have a crush on your older brother's friend you don't just have to deal with the infatuation aspect, you also need to figure out how this may affect your family dynamic. Whether you act on your feelings or not, deciding what to do about your crush means also taking big bro's feelings into consideration.

1 Not Your Fault

Before you sheepishly approach your big brother and tell him about your feelings, remember that you didn't purposefully choose your crush. Unless you have serious problems with your brother and are forcing your crush to make him mad, this isn't your fault. Feeling guilty or like you're betraying your brother won't help the situation. Discuss the possibility of pursuing your crush with your brother. If he doesn't want you to pursue his friend, ask him why. Act respectfully, but remember that you don't always have to follow your brother's decisions.

2 Understanding the Reality

While having a crush is a completely normal part of life, these attractions aren't always the same thing as true love. A crush includes a physical or romantic attraction minus the closeness and commitment of a real relationship, according to the article "Love and Romance" on the TeensHealth website. If you are crushing on your older brother's friend you may just think that he's cute or like that he's captain of the football team. This means that you need to get to know him on a deeper level before you actually pursue a relationship.

3 Age Difference

Although a four-year age difference between a 30-year-old and 34-year-old seems like nothing, the same gap between a 14-year-old and an 18-year-old may become tricky. If your brother's friend is several years older, you need to consider how your maturity levels match up. If the guy is a lot more mature than you, turn your attention to boys in your own grade who are on the same mental and emotional level as you. If your brother's friend is on your level, despite his actual age, the number of years may not make as much of a difference.

4 Hanging Around

Chances are that your crush is constantly at your house, hanging out with your big brother. This may leave you wondering what to do when he sits down next to you at the dinner table or stays over for a family movie night. Keep in mind that he's your brother's friend -- not your boyfriend. Don't overstep your boundaries and force your way into your brother's social life. Avoid following your crush around the house or acting in inappropriate ways -- such as putting your arm around him or asking for a hug.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.