My Boyfriend Does Not Want to Hang Out With My Friends

Open up and let your guy know his presence is important.
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When your guy scoffs at the idea of spending time with your friends, it puts you in the middle of a sticky situation as you try to balance your time and attention between them. Before you ditch your date or start snubbing your pals, consider what's causing this conflict and how careful communication can fix it.

1 Careful Communication

Don't make bold assumptions or jump to conclusions about why your guy refuses to spend time with your friends. Instead of approaching the situation from the view that he must obviously hate your pals, sit him down and ask him openly why he doesn't want to go out with you and your friends. Let him know how you feel about the issue and how his actions affect your emotions. For example, start the conversation by saying, "My friends are like my family. I feel confused and hurt when you don't want to spend any time with them. Help me to understand why you don't want to hang out with them."

2 Own Identity

Being in a relationship shouldn't mean that you give up your own life or lose yourself in your partner's life, according to the experts with the TeensHealth website. If your guy is unwilling to hang with your pals, he may feel like he needs space to have his own friendships. Accept that your friends are yours, and that he has his own separate social life. Give him the space that he needs to have his own identity, and expect him to do the same for you.

3 Shy Guy

Even though your guy may seem carefree and confident around you, he may suffer from serious shyness when he's with people he doesn't know well. Shyness can put up a roadblock when it comes to interacting in unfamiliar social situations, according to psychologist Romeo Vitelli in an article for Psychology Today. Think back to how your boyfriend first acted when the two of you got together. Was he slow to warm up to you? Did he seem painfully shy? If so, while you may have brought him out of his shell, he may feel uncomfortable hanging with your entire social circle. If this is the case, start small and suggest that he go to dinner with you and one friend.

4 Friend Focus

Consider the possibility that it's not your boyfriend who doesn't like your friends, but vice versa. If your BFF acts icy toward your guy or makes him feel like he doesn't belong in your life, he won't want to spend time with this person. If this scenario is the case, the problem has more to do with your friendship than your romantic relationship. Start at the heart of the matter and talk to your friend. While smoothing over the relationship between your friend and boyfriend is ideal, if you can't come to a compromise you may need to keep the two parts of your life separate.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.