How to Flirt With a Guy Who Isn't Good at Flirting

Send the guy who isn't good at flirting a note letting him know you are interested.
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There is a guy in your biology class who has been giving you shy looks for a few weeks now. You suspect he might like you -- and you like him too -- but he just doesn't seem to be any good at flirting. In this scenario, it is up to you to get things started, put him at ease and hopefully tap into his flirting potential.

1 Take the Lead

A guy who isn't skilled at flirting might feel too nervous, not know how to approach you or simply have an awkward flirting style, as discussed in the Social Issues Research Centre's "Guide to Flirting." For example, that guy in your class who keeps looking at you might never come over to talk -- or he might stay at arm's length and never get past chit chat about the weather. Take the lead and show him what it takes to be a good flirt. Smile when he is near, lean towards him when you talk and be playful with what you say. If he complains he is worried about an upcoming test, give him a coy look and say, "Maybe we should study together sometime."

2 Build His Confidence

If his poor flirting style is a result of low self-esteem, help to build his confidence, suggests psychologist Diana Kirschner, in her article, "8 Best Flirting Tips to Bring a Shy Guy Out of His Shell." Give him a compliment such as, "I like how the color of that sweater brings out your eyes." Go see him in his element at a time he is likely to shine, such as being there for the finish of one of his competitive long-distance runs. Ask him for help with something that he is good at -- such as fixing a problem with your laptop -- and then engage him in conversation. Show him that you find him attractive, think he is smart and see him as intelligent, and he will be more likely to loosen up and relax enough to start flirting.

3 Reduce the Risk

Results of social psychological studies confirm that men with lower self-esteem are more likely to use direct flirting methods when they perceive a situation to be low-risk, notes the "Science of Relationships" article, "How You Doin’? Self-Esteem Affects How People Flirt." This means that the guy in biology class who isn't good at flirting with you might just be worried that he will be rejected if he makes an approach. Create a low-risk situation for him by showing that you are interested. Do this either by flirting in person, sending him a flirty text or email, or giving him a handwritten note. Write something like, "Hi! I'd like to get to know you better ... want to meet up sometime?"

4 Determine Interest

It could be that the guy who doesn't seem to be good at flirting, just isn't interested in flirting with you. If you aren't sure whether a guy is shy about flirting or just not interested, approach him with a bit more caution. Try to get a sense of how he acts around other girls and whether his behavior with you is different. Send out some of your flirty vibes -- but don't be too disappointed if he doesn't reciprocate. There isn't much you can do if a guy isn't good at flirting with you because he has his sights set elsewhere.

Arlin Cuncic has been writing about mental health since 2007, specializing in social anxiety disorder and depression topics. She served as the managing editor of the "Journal of Attention Disorders" and has worked in a variety of research settings. Cuncic holds an M.A. in clinical psychology.