How to Write a Text Letting Them Know They Hurt You

Send a text when you know your friend isn't already occupied.
... Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images

Text messages make it easy for people to communicate with each other quickly and quietly, from wherever you are. While texting is convenient for simple messages and brief hellos, longer, more serious conversations should be reserved for face-to-face contact, a phone call or even a good old-fashioned letter. That's not to say, however, that you can't use a text message to break the ice or facilitate an in-person conversation when you feel the need to express your feelings.

1 Initiate Contact

Resist the urge to fire off an emotional text message when a friend has hurt you. Attempting to truly capture and express your hurt feelings in a limited text message is nearly impossible, and your friend can easily misunderstand what you are trying to say. Instead, send a brief text just to make contact in a non-confrontational way and open up the possibility for a conversation when the time is right. Hold off on the accusations, explanations or complaints for now and say something simple like "We need to talk," or "I'm feeling bad and would like to chat with you about it after school." Initiating contact in a calm, cool manner will keep tempers and emotions at bay and make it easier for you both to talk things over when the time is right.

2 Be Direct, Stay Specific

If having an in-person or telephone conversation with your friend isn't possible right now, let her know she's hurt you in a way that's short, specific and to the point to avoid a misunderstanding. Instead of writing "What you did the other day really hurt me," for example, say "It hurt my feelings to see you out on a date with my ex on Friday night." Give your friend the opportunity to reply before sending another message. Keep subsequent text exchanges brief and direct to avoid miscommunication.

3 Avoid an Argument

Take the high road when expressing your feelings and communicate them in a calm, simple manner. Don't use curse words, name calling, accusations or harsh language, which can put your friend on the defensive and incite an argument instead of a healthy discussion. Focus on the way you feel, as opposed to how your friend behaved or acted. Instead of "How could you be so stupid and insensitive?" or "You promised me that you wouldn't date Craig," try "I'm hurt that our pact not to date each other's exes has been broken."

4 Make a Decision

Once you've made your friend aware of your feelings and have given her the opportunity to respond, it's time to end the text exchange. Continuing to bring up details, reiterate points that you've already made or ask questions that your friend can't reasonably answer in a text message can become an overwhelming, frustrating experience for both of you. Determine what your next step is and let that be the end of the exchange. If you need your space, tell your friend that you are going to think things over and you will speak to her next week. If you feel that there's more to talk about, suggest meeting up at a neutral location to discuss the situation in person.

Debra Pachucki has been writing in the journalistic, scholastic and educational sectors since 2003. Pachucki holds a Bachelor's degree in education and currently teaches in New Jersey. She has worked professionally with children of all ages and is pursuing a second Masters degree in education from Monmouth University.