What if You Are Torn Between Two Guys?

Take the time to talk about why he wants to be with you.
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You are ready for a real relationship and have met the perfect guy, but then a second fellow comes along. When you are torn between two men, making a choice is the next step in forming a true romantic partnership. While it is acceptable to see more than one guy if you are casually dating, when you are truly torn it is essential to evaluate which one meets your wants and needs better than the other.

1 Normal Notions

You've grown up seeing relationships that involved two people at a time. This has always led you to believe that it is normal to fall in love with one person. When you like two guys at once you can't imagine that you'd want to pursue relationships with both of them. This may leave you wondering, "Is there something wrong with me? Can I love two guys at once?" Actually, it is possible to love two people at once, according to professor of philosophy Aaron Ben-Zeev in his article "Torn Between Two Lovers" on the Psychology Today website. How you proceed is up to you and the surrounding circumstances.

2 Your Timetable

While the emotional toll that loving -- or a least liking -- two guys at once is unsettling at best, you'll find other issues at play. Relationships take time and work to maintain. Loving two guys at once can take up all of your time, making it a challenge to get all of the other things in your life done. For example, you see Jim on Mondays, Tuesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, but go out with Ronny on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. With all the time that you spend doubling your dating life, you have little left for school, work, family and friends.

3 Common Interests

Even though having everything in common with a guy doesn't guarantee that the two of you are perfect for each other, the more interests that you share, the easier time you'll have in your relationship. If you can't decide between Brandon and Dylan, take a look at what you have in common with each of them and evaluate your shared interests. Get to know each guy on a deeper level, exploring what he likes to do. Try new things with each of your loves. For example, you've always wanted to go skiing. Brandon refuses to try swooshing down the slopes and whines, "I hate the cold" but Dylan says he's completely game. As your relationship progresses, Dylan's shared interests and willingness to try things make you a better match.

4 Make a Choice

It's unlikely that you'll have the time, emotional availability or mental endurance to keep up two relationships at once. After getting to know each guy, evaluating your shared interests and going on at least one first date with each, you need to make a decision. Unless everyone involved is comfortable with you dating both of them, you need to let one of your boys down. While this isn't easy, avoiding one of the guys isn't the honest way to go. Even though honesty is essential in relationships, you don't have to go over-the-top or ditch the dud in a harsh way, notes the article "How to Break Up Respectfully" on the TeensHealth website. Say something such as, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you, but I just don't think that we're the right fit for each other."

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.