How to Choose Between the Man I Love & the Man Who Is Best for Me
There's the sensible you, and then there's the romantic one. While your sensible knows that an intelligent, sweet guy who has a promising career -- or at least knows which one he wants -- is best for you, what about the guy who you're head over heals for? If these choices aren't found in the same man, choosing between the love of your life and the guy who'll treat you right is a must.
1 Recognize the Complexity
Relationships are complex, adult challenges. Whether you're talking about true love or a coupling built on a level-headed partnership, any romantic pairing presents its share of challenges. If you have two relationships going on, understanding the complexity of each is key. All relationships have their own rewards, risks and responsibilities, writes psychologist Carl Pickhardt in the article "Confronting the Complexity of Young Love" on the Psychology Today website. Instead of looking at each relationship as one-sided -- love versus practicality -- consider the complexities of each partnership and each individual man.
2 Rewards and Responsibilities
Rewards include the things that you give and get in a relationship, such as affection, attention, support and friendship. Responsibilities include the obligations and compromises that you must make. While responsibilities may seem like negative aspects of a relationship, they include definite positives such as the obligation that you each contribute financially or stay monogamous. Compare the rewards and responsibilities in each relationship, noting which ones are the most important to you.
3 Risky Situation
Before following your heart or your head, weight the risks of each relationship.. This means looking to the future, and asking yourself what you want out of life and your relationship. If you see yourself settling down soon, getting married, moving to the suburbs and having kids, the man who is best for you might provide a brighter future. On the other hand, if you're not ready to settle down or romance is central to your life, opting for love can give you this.
4 Mix and Match
Are you sure that the man who you love can't become the one who's best for you or vice versa? Loving relationships include a mix of attraction, closeness and commitment, according to the article "Love and Romance" on the TeensHealth website. If you have an attraction and closeness with your head over heals guy, but have commitment and closeness from the best for you option, try to develop the missing ingredients in either. The wilder love of your life may become more of the commitment type as he ages. Likewise, as you get to know your sensible guy on a deeper level, it's possible that an intense emotional attraction could develop.