The days, weeks and months following a breakup can be heart-wrenching. You may think irrational thoughts such as your ex is the only one out there for you and fear getting involved with anyone again. It is likely you will find yourself fantasizing about your ex appearing on your doorstep because you want to stop the pain from being abandoned and hurt. Allow yourself to recognize the thoughts and feelings that arise and work to change any negative ones that drive this fantasy because this is all you can really control.
Put Down That Phone
Since the wish to get back together with your ex is in your head, resist the urge to call him for 60 days after the breakup, according to Greg Behrendt and Amiira Behrendt, co-authors of "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken," in an interview titled "How to Get Over Him" in "Cosmopolitan." This period of time with no contact will assist you in feeling strong and capable. Let your friends know your plan. When the urge to call or text him arises, call them or immerse yourself in something you are passionate about.
Get Strength from Family, Friends
Due to the intensity and intimacy involved in your relationship with your ex, it can be difficult to detach from her. This will take genuine effort on your part because it's likely you turned to her for support and validation. When an event or problem that you would normally share with her comes up, don't reach out for her assistance. Instead, turn to friends or family members, such as your brother or father, for support and begin to strengthen those relationships until you begin to heal.
Shred and Heal
Writing can be a therapeutic way to release the emotions and thoughts that keep you pining for your ex. Write whatever comes to mind. If you find yourself missing him and wanting him to come back to you, then write about that. Allow your words to explore the hurt and pain he caused you. Release your anger and fear. Reread your letters and feel your emotions. Cry or stomp your feet if you feel the need to. Cover your head with a pillow and scream. When the time is right, shred or burn your writings.
Resistance and Persistence
While it is tempting to want to push your ex completely out of your mind, trying not to think about her can actually cause you to think about her more, according to psychologist Kelly McGonigal in her article "Science-Based Strategies for Getting Over Your Ex" for "Psychology Today." Accept thoughts of your ex as they arise. Remember the reasons you are no longer together, and then focus on something in the present moment, recommends McGonigal.
- Hemera Technologies/AbleStock.com/Getty Images