How to Resolve a Conflict With Your Ex-Girlfriend & Get Her Back

Try to view the breakup from her perspective.
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From cheating to lying, various factors could lead to a breakup. However, if you take the right approach and if your ex-girlfriend is willing to cooperate, it is possible to save the relationship. Pleading, begging and wishful thinking won’t get things back on track. Instead, you’ll have to reassess the situation and then incorporate the right strategies. Be aware, however, that no plan is foolproof, and you might have to accept the end of your romantic times together and move on.

Give your former girlfriend space by avoiding contact, whether face to face or through phone calls and texts, for several days. This can seem counterproductive to your goal, but both of you need time apart to let your emotions cool down. This is especially true if the relationship ended with a heated argument or discussion.

Focus on you. To help ease your own feelings of resentment or loneliness, take part in your favorite hobbies and spend time with your friends. Also, remember to take care of yourself. A breakup can leave you with low self-esteem. But when you finally decide to make an effort to reconnect with your ex, you want to do so with a clear and confident mindset.

Rethink past relationship issues. To get a clearer image of the conflict, write down your argument and feelings on one side of a sheet of paper and your partner’s argument and possible emotions on the other. Try to be as objective as possible when making this list and admit your shortcomings.

Call your former girlfriend and set up a casual meeting with her. Avoid begging or demanding a meeting. If she refuses, simply give her more time and try again later.

Talk openly with your former girlfriend about the conflict. Suggest a compromise if you have one in mind. If a debate ensues, avoid attacking her character and hold your temper in check if you feel insulted. Admit when you are wrong and, if things don’t go your way, avoid sulking.

Use humor throughout your discussion, but only when appropriate. Humor can ease psychological stress, which will keep both of your minds clear during your discussion. Now isn’t the time to make fun of her. Instead, aim a few jokes at yourself as a display of humility or to point out your initially flawed views. For example, you can say, “Man, I can really be a bonehead sometimes.” However, don’t go overboard and throw a pity party.

Start anew with your relationship. Agree to let go of the past conflict and don’t bring it up again, especially when small arguments arise in the future. Implement what you learned from the breakup and don’t go back on any promises you made.

  • Depending on the circumstances, some people will forgive their significant other in a matter of days, while others can take years to come around.

Mitch Reid has been a writer since 2006. He holds a fine arts degree in creative writing, but has a persistent interest in social psychology. He loves train travel, writing fiction, and leaping out of planes. His written work has appeared on sites such as and GlobalPost, and he has served as an editor for ebook publisher Crescent Moon Press, as well as academic literary journals.