Giving a Guy Space After a Breakup
It can be really mind-bending to transition from a close relationship where you spent lots of time with your boyfriend to one in which you aren't welcome in his life. Resisting the temptation to stop by just to see his face can be really tough, but you'll need to resist your impulses so that you can both move on with your lives. When you consciously work on channeling your thoughts in the direction you want, you'll find it easier to give him space while you get used to being single again.
1 Direct Your Energy Elsewhere
Your attempts to resist the urge to pick up the phone and call your ex-boyfriend may make you feel as though you're coming out of your skin, which can be an emotional roller coaster for you. When you are having a difficult time keeping an appropriate distance, turn your anxiety into a positive action, advises physician and author Deepak Chopra in the "Oprah" article, "Deepak Chopra: A Freer (Happier!) Way to Think." Instead of beating yourself up for feeling emotionally needy, examine the feeling and find out what's behind it. For example, perhaps you are lonely and need to feel more connected. If this is the case, using your energy to connect with new people will help you to relax and give your ex the space he needs.
2 Change Your Vision
If you're having a rough time stopping yourself from obsessively driving by your ex's house, it's time to take responsibility for your thoughts and to work toward transforming your thoughts. It's not easy and it will take time to transform your thoughts. Having a vision, says Chopra, allows you to aim higher. Imagine yourself living a life with people you enjoy and leave your ex out of the equation. Then, work to bring your new vision into existence. For example, if you see yourself enjoying a good time with new friends who aren't connected to your ex, join that campus political action organization you've always admired -- or, join whichever cause, social group or fave thing you love to do. When you're tempted to overwhelm your ex with texts, remind yourself of your new vision for your life. The social connections you make with your new friends will actually help you move away from thinking about him.
3 Use Your Imagination
Your imagination is powerful, and if you persist in visualizing you and your ex-boyfriend back in one another's arms again, you're setting yourself up for misery. You'll find it easier to give him space if you change what you're thinking about. Whenever you catch yourself obsessing about what he's doing, visualize a stop sign, advises Therese Borchard in the article, "Seven Ways to Stop Obsessing," on PsychCentral. This is a cue to redirect your thoughts back to something that better serves your interests. Another visualization you can use is to imagine yourself on the wrong road when you have an obsessive thought about your ex. Then you can turn your car back to the highway, says Borchard.
4 Write it Down
Writing in a journal allows you to do something with the thoughts percolating in your head other than simply think them, says psychotherapist Mary Darling Montero in "The Huffington Post" article, "Obsessing Over a Breakup? Here's How to Stop." When you write down the things you want to say to your ex, you free yourself from the need to tell him face to face when you know he doesn't want to spend time with you. You can also tell your journal all about how lonely you feel without him. Writing down your thoughts will help assuage your hurt feelings, will help you gain perspective about your breakup, so that ultimately, you it will feel natural to give your ex the room he needs.