Staying in Contact With a Boyfriend's Mom After a Breakup

Your don't have to discard a friendship with his mom just because he leaves you.
... Jack Hollingsworth/Digital Vision/Getty Images

Breaking up with your guy doesn't always mean that you have to let go of everyone he knows. If you developed a close bond with your his mom, staying in contact after your break-up is acceptable -- under certain circumstances. While you don't want to hover over him, you can still keep up a friendship with his mother without infringing on his life.

1 Consider Carefully

Even though staying in touch with you ex's mom is often acceptable, certain situations may complicate it. When you can't let go of your relationship with your ex, identify and get rid of old patterns that keep you stuck in the past. This may mean no more weekly coffee sessions with your ex's mother or no more texting her about your daily life. Although your boyfriend's mother is a completely separate person from him -- and you have an equally separate relationship with her -- her presence in your life may hinder you from picturing your future without your ex.

2 Cut the Questions

Staying in contact with your ex's mom shouldn't include keeping tabs on him. While her son is a prime person in her own life, what he's doing and who he's doing it with is no longer your concern. If you plan on keeping things friendly with his mom, stop yourself from asking a stream of questions about your ex. Instead of asking her, "So, How's John? Does he have a new girlfriend yet? Is he taking her to the prom?" ask questions that focus on what his mom is doing.

3 Don't Dis Him

Having an ex who broke your heart because his bad-boy behavior got the better of him doesn't mean that you won't miss him. While you might have a poor perception of your ex's character after he cheated on you or treated you badly, you can't bring these issues into your relationship with his mom. She's not an impartial third party and she doesn't want to hear that her son is a "jerk" or a "terrible person." Instead of ranting to her about her son, share these feelings with your own mother or a friend, instead.

4 Take It to the Tech Level

If you don't want to risk bumping into your ex when you stop by his mom's house for coffee, take your contact to the tech level. Remain a social media friend with your boyfriend's mom or text her instead of calling his house to talk to her. Although you may want to remain online friends with your ex's mom, don't "friend" her immediately after the breakup. Wait a few weeks. This might look like you're trying to find out what he does and who he sees via his mom.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.