Should I Tell My Ex I'm Moving Away?
JILL AVERY-STOSS
LIFE
The mere thought of communicating with your ex can elicit feelings of awkwardness, anxiety, anger, emotional pain. Sometimes it just needs to be done, however. Because you are planning to move, you may want your ex to be aware of your intentions. There are a multitude of factors to consider when deciding whether to share the news.
1 Distance Matters
The soon-to-be distance between you and your ex is worthy of consideration. If you are moving to the other side of town or to the nearest city, telling your ex about it may be irrelevant and unnecessary. Moving a few hours away, or to the other side of the country, however, is a different matter altogether. If you share a child with your ex, you will most likely be legally obligated to make your move known, regardless of the distance. If you are moving out of state, and possibly even out of country, you may need permission from the courts to do so with your child. In his article for LegalMatch titled, "Relocation and Child Custody," attorney Ken LaMance suggests consulting with a lawyer regarding any potential legal or custody issues.
2 Relationship Dynamics
Considering the dynamics of the relationship will help you make the decision about telling your ex you're moving. If the relationship wasn't very long, ended months ago and you haven't had contact with your ex since, telling him you're moving may not be necessary or relevant to either of your lives. If it was a lengthy relationship, one that greatly impacted your lives or one in which you've maintained some level of friendship, however, talking to your ex about your impending relocation is a considerate, respectful thing to do, notes the Emily Post Institute.
3 Your Motivation
Think about why you might want to tell your ex about your upcoming move. Perhaps you are hoping to elicit some type of emotional sensitivity from your ex, which could indicate there is still an intimate connection between you.Telling your ex that you are leaving to meet your own emotional needs is reasonable, as long as you are prepared for all potential responses. Your ex may be devastated, angry or may not care at all.
4 Negative Ramifications
If the relationship was abusive, there's no need to tell your ex your plans.Your ex may perceive your relocation as further loss of control over you, which can lead to attempts to regain power in the form of incessant phone calls, stalking and demands to know where and with whom you will be living. It can even mean threats of or actual physical harm.
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