Whether you’re trying to let your girlfriend know you’re sorry for an argument, or you’re letting her know that you’re letting her off the hook for starting one of her own, you can help to heal hurt feelings with just a few romantic gestures and words. Remember, a little affection and regard is seldom out of the question if you’ve contributed to the problem. Remind your girlfriend of all the wonderful things you appreciate about her, even moments after a cantankerous argument.
Apologies are generally a favorite on the list of things to say after a fight. Think about it before letting the words slip from your lips though, to ensure that your apology will also demonstrate that you’ve been paying attention throughout the argument and you understand what issues are causing tension. This helps let your girlfriend know that you haven’t been tuning her out just because your conversation increased a few decibels. However, make sure that your apology is sincere. If you don’t feel you’ve done anything to contribute to the argument, don’t confess regret for a wrongdoing for which you’ve been inaccurately accused – dishonesty just isn’t romantic.
While hashing out a solution to the problem you’ve been fighting over might not sound romantic at first, it demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. Take her hand and talk about the issue in a calm manner, each of you seeking to improve your relationship, not to battle for your side. Let her know that you understand how she is feeling. Look for a potential solution to the conflict that recognizes the wants and needs of both parties. By doing so, you demonstrate respect for your partner, as well as for yourself, which tells your girlfriend that you know how you feel is important to her too.
A Stroll through Memories
Help your girlfriend to reflect on all of the wonderful moments in your relationship by telling her about a few of your personal favorites. You can let her know how nervous you were leading up to your first date, or how you didn’t sleep the entire night afterward because you had so much fun. Let her know how you discovered that stargazing in the backyard, cuddled up on a blanket, is one of your most treasured activities. Dig deep to find tidbits of information you’ve never shared with your girlfriend before, which will cast good memories in an even more personal and romantic light.
Now that you’ve reconciled, or at least started on your way to a healthy resolution, you can put the anger behind you and romance your girlfriend with talks about your hopes for the future. Let her know about all of the places you’d like to visit with her, the holiday festivities you can’t wait to share or how you’d like to celebrate her next birthday or your anniversary. You can even share the dream you had about the two of you on rocking chairs together in old age. Remember not to stretch the truth here. While you can’t predict the future of your relationship definitively, if you don’t see a long-lasting and happy relationship in the future -- it’s early enough that you’re still playing it by ear -- don’t woo your girlfriend with false hope or dreams. Stick to the near future, about which you can offer truthful sentiments.
- Journal of Research in Personality: The Roles of Emotion Management and Perspective Taking in Individuals’ Conflict Management Styles and Disposition to Forgive
- Psychology Today: The Antidote to Anger and Frustration
- Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In; Laurie Puhn
- George Doyle/Stockbyte/Getty Images