My Girlfriend Doesn't Want Me to Hang Out With My Best Friend

Your girlfriend might want you to spend more quality time with her, and not your pals.
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Now that you finally have a serious girlfriend, you thought your social life would be complete. However, instead of splitting time with your girl and your best bud, she suddenly wants you all to herself. When she puts you on lock-down and won't let you hang out with your friend, you need to address the issue immediately and help her to understand that giving up your pals isn't healthy.

1 Identity Issue

Even though the two of you are together, both you and your girlfriend need to maintain your own separate identities, asserts the article "Am I in a Healthy Relationship?" on the TeensHealth website. When your girl doesn't want you to keep up with your friendships, she isn't letting you be "you." Explain to her that, even though you adore hanging out with her, you both need to have your own individual lives. Bring up activities that you may do with your guy friend that she wouldn't enjoy. For example, remind her that she can't stand watching basketball, but you always enjoy catching a game with your best bud John.

2 Playing Fair

Does your girlfriend expect that you won't care if she spends every Saturday at the mall with her friends? If she regularly hangs with her girls, but thinks that you shouldn't spend time with your best bud, let her know that she isn't playing fair. Equality is a key piece of any successful relationship. Ask your girlfriend why she expects you to spend all of your free time with her, when she won't do the same for you. Either she'll see your point and agree that you should see your friend or it's time to consider going separate ways.

3 Matter of Trust

If your girlfriend thinks that your best friend is a bad influence, the problem is likely a matter of trust. When there's a lack of trust, you can't have a healthy relationship, according to the article "What's Your Relationship Reality?" on For example, you are innocently going to the high school football game with your pals, when your girl says, "No way." When you ask, "Why?", she says that your BFF Tommy is a player and she thinks he'll convince you to cheat on her. This clear lack of trust won't cut it in a committed relationship. If you've never done anything to make her not trust you, tell her so. Reassure her that your friends' behaviors aren't your own.

4 You're Number One

There are some times when your girlfriend may not want you to hang out with your guy pal because she thinks he isn't a good friend to you. It's possible that she's heard negative rumors about him, making her worry that he doesn't have your best interest at heart. For example, your girl's friend told her that your supposed "best friend" is really using you for your car. Ask her why she doesn't want you to spend time with your friend. Consider the possibility that she sees, or hears, things that you don't. If your so-called friend isn't actually all that you think he is, let your girl know that she's right and stop hanging with him.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.