Should I Date a Guy My Mom Doesn't Like?

If you're still living under your mom's roof, her decision may rule.
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You excitedly bring your guy home to meet Mom, thinking she'll see what you do in him. And then the bomb drops -- she can't stand him. Whether she thinks he won't treat you right or doesn't agree with his beliefs, when Mom doesn't like your guy it makes dating him a challenge. Deciding whether to continue dating him requires a blend of careful consideration, confidence in yourself -- and possibly your guy -- and mature thought.

1 Get Through the Generation Gap

Before pointing fingers or telling your mom that she's wrong, keep in mind that the two of you come from entirely different generations. The clash between your mom's generational values and yours may make it seem like you're purposely disobeying her, according to psychologist and family counselor Marie Hartwell-Walker in the article "My Mom Doesn’t Want Me Dating My BF." For example, your mom may believe that you shouldn't date outside of your race. Your more modern belief system allows for this as being acceptable or no big deal. Consider the reason behind your mother's dislike for your date. If her old-school values are in play, you can either follow along with tradition or break it by going ahead and dating your guy.

2 Mother Knows Best

Your mother has years of experience on you when it comes to dating and love. While she isn't always the expert, she may have some insight as to why your guy isn't right for you. For example, your mom may know the stats about teen smoking -- 88 percent of adult smokers picked up the habit before they turn 18, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention -- making your cigarette-toting guy and his influence on you a concern for her. Recognize that your mom's worries often come from her experience or knowledge. Take the information that she is giving you into consideration, using it to decide whether to date him or not.

3 Treating You Right

If your mom has concerns about how your guy is treating you, take a look at your budding relationship and evaluate if she is indeed correct. Ask yourself if your guy is treating you in a respectful way or is pressuring you to do things that you aren't ready for. For example, if he's constantly asking you for rides to school, work or to meet his friends but isn't asking you out on dates, he is most likely using you. Your initial infatuation may blind you to his disrespectful ways, according to the article "Am I in a Healthy Relationship" on When your mom speaks up about this behavior, heed her warnings and let the guy go.

4 Off Base

Even though your mom has your best interest at heart, sometimes even an adult can get off her game when it comes to judging someone else's intentions. While there are plenty of times when Mom's right, it's also entirely possible that she's seeing something that isn't there. It's possible that your mom's afraid of losing you to your new partner. When she stresses about the time that you're spending away from the family or a decision to move in with your guy after college, she may be missing you more than she dislikes your guy. Reassure her that you'll always be there for her, and remind her that this is a normal part of growing up.

Based in Pittsburgh, Erica Loop has been writing education, child development and parenting articles since 2009. Her articles have appeared in "Pittsburgh Parent Magazine" and the website PBS Parents. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education.