Getting your man to communicate with you can be a big feat. It seems as if women and men speak different languages altogether, and in some ways that's true. Research shows that men are wired differently than women, and tend to listen and communicate in vastly different ways than their female counterparts. With a basic understanding of how to get your boyfriend to hear what you are trying to say--as well as how to accept the communication he offers in his own way--you can both get closer to being on the same page in your relationship.
Be non-confrontational when talking to your boyfriend. Men often shy away from deep discussion because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing—something that may trigger anger or emotional upset in their partner. Approach volatile issues with an open mind and heart.
Wait to open a dialogue about big issues until both you and your boyfriend are in a relaxed state of mind. Bringing up sensitive topics in the midst of an already stressful atmosphere is a recipe for communication disaster. Relationship problems almost never get solved in an emotionally charged exchange.
Think like a man. You may feel offended by your boyfriend’s seemingly cold attitude; however, it’s important to remember that men think about relationship issues differently than women. Communicate in a way he understands—practically and logically. Men are hard-wired to be hunter/gatherers, and they will bolt if a woman loses control of her emotions. Men thrive on problem-solving, so make that goal the focus of your communication efforts.
Communicate your thoughts and feelings to your boyfriend in “I” language, i.e., “I feel hurt by this issue in our relationship” instead of “You always do this or that.” If your boyfriend feels accused or threatened, he will be likely to shut down.
Be receptive to your boyfriend’s personal communication style. Most men do not communicate their feelings for a woman through poetry; men tend to show love by doing things rather than talking. When he changes your oil or puts up the shelves, it is his way of showing affection. Pressuring him to talk in a way with which he has no experience will alienate him, whereas accepting his love language will encourage him to open up more.
- Ask your platonic male friends for advice on what you can do to help get your boyfriend to open up—they may be a treasure trove of communication tips!