How to Make a Girl Want to Talk to You

2 men at a bar looking at 2 women on a couch.
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Getting a girl to want to talk to you may sound like a challenging task, especially if you're shy or have low self-esteem. Maybe your previous attempts failed because you were not assertive enough. Or perhaps you simply don't know how to flirt effectively. Whatever the reasons are, you can learn how to get a girl to want to talk to you by improving your self-esteem and developing your flirting skills.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, do something to increase your sense of self-worth. Join a gym, get a new haircut or do something that makes you feel good about yourself on the outside. It's easiest to start working on your external appearance, and changing the way you look can influence how you feel on the inside.

Think about your fear of approaching women. Chances are, you've mentally built up the simple action of talking to a woman to the point that your fear may be holding you back. To help conquer this fear, try to give a compliment to at least twenty women you encounter during a week without expecting anything in return.

Pay attention to your body language when you initiate a conversation. According to speech language pathologist Chris Gottschalk in his book, "How to Start and Make a Conversation: How to Talk to Anyone in 30 Seconds or Less," smiling, leaning slightly towards someone without standing too close and making eye contact are all harmless flirting gestures that can make you seem more attractive to the other person.

Relax. If you're nervous or uptight, chances are high that she won't want to talk to you because you make her feel uncomfortable. Speak at a normal volume and tempo.

Keep realistic expectations. According to the Social Issues Research Centre (SIRC), you have a higher chance of success when you talk to someone with a similar level of attractiveness as you.

Stick to neutral conversation topics in the beginning. Be mysterious and don't show all of your cards at once. Make her want to know more about you. Similarly, according to the SIRC, avoid being negative, as this is an instant turn-off.

Be a good listener. According to the SIRC, listening skills make others want to talk to you. When talking to her, show that you are paying attention to what she is saying through the periodic use of words such as "mmm hmmm," "yeah" or "ah". Use empathic comments, for example, "Wow, that sounds horrible!" or "What are great idea!" are appropriate.

  • 1 "How to Start and Make a Conversation: How to Talk to Anyone in 30 Seconds or Less"; Chris Gottschalk; 2010

Ashley Miller is a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, certified Reiki practitioner, yoga enthusiast and aromatherapist. She has also worked as an employee assistance program counselor and a substance-abuse professional. Miller holds a Master of Social Work and has extensive training in mental health diagnosis, as well as child and adolescent psychotherapy. She also has a bachelor's degree in music.