Getting the cold shoulder from your boyfriend's friend is both hurtful and puzzling, especially when you have no idea why he seems to dislike you. No matter how you feel, it is important not to react negatively. Pulling your boyfriend away from his pal will only make them both resent you. Instead, make a concerted effort to get on his friend's good side by being polite and supportive of their friendship. However, you also should know when to draw the line.
Make an Effort to Get Along
It's important to your boyfriend that you try to relate to his friends rather than just tolerate them, according to Dr. Billy Goldberg, co-author of "Why Do Men Fall Asleep after Sex?" Show your boyfriend you are really trying on your end. Be genuinely enthusiastic to see all of his friends. Engage them in conversation and ask questions to show you are interested in knowing them better. If your boyfriend mentioned a recent accomplishment of the friend who dislikes you, congratulate and compliment him. Ask his advice about something generic; he might appreciate that you value his opinion.
Be The "Cool" Girlfriend
Your boyfriend's buddy may resent you if he feels you hog all his friend's time. Encourage your boyfriend to hang out with his friends more, no matter how much you want to be with him all the time. You have your own friends who might be missing you. You can also earn points with his buddies by being the laid-back, "cool" girlfriend who supports guy time. For example, if the guys are spending a Sunday afternoon watching football, have a pizza and a box of wings delivered. If you are hanging out at the bar with your boyfriend and his friend, offer to buy the first round and then make an excuse to leave early and let them hang out alone.
Talk to Your Boyfriend
If the situation is pretty hostile, with his friend being blatantly rude to you or making a concerted effort to leave you out of conversations, it's time to have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Let him know you respect his friendships but would appreciate it if this particular friend treated you with respect when you're around. A good boyfriend will be willing to talk to his friend about being respectful and civil to you, at the very least. Don't make your boyfriend feel as if he has to choose, however. You just may have to limit your contact with his friend to keep the peace.
Know What Battles to Fight
Even if you've made a lot of effort, your boyfriend's friend may not be willing to get along with you. Continue to be polite but steer clear of him when you can. Instead, focus on building good rapport with your boyfriend's friends who are willing to get to know you, recommends psychologist Melissa Podmore. Don't allow yourself to be walked all over either. If your boyfriend's friend is being repeatedly rude to you, try pulling him aside to politely ask him what the issue is. If he is willing to discuss his thoughts, you could have the opportunity to move forward in a positive direction.
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