What Do You Do if the Man You Love Is an Introvert?
Introverts are those people who get their energy from alone time or one-on-one interactions. Unlike extroverts, who are “social butterflies,” introverts may get exhausted by big parties or hanging out in crowds. Likewise, introverts may need time to themselves to collect their thoughts. Thus, introverted men may seem to withdraw at times. By understanding these traits, you can learn to adjust to your introverted love’s personality.
1 Understand His Personality
Take time to learn about your introvert’s specific preferences and personality traits, since introversion can manifest itself in different ways. While some introverted men feel uncomfortable in social situations, others can be good conversationalists and enjoy meeting new people. In many cases, however, introverts may prefer to have a quiet evening at home rather than meeting up with a group of friends. When you do go out, your introverted man may get tired of socializing quickly. In short, have regular conversations about what he prefers so that you can better understand his needs.
2 Respect His Personality
Introversion is a personality trait that rarely changes over time. Although it can look the same as shyness, not all introverts are shy or scared to talk to strangers or hang out with groups of friends, explains clinical psychologist Laurie Helgoe. In other words, introversion is a personality trait that cannot be "fixed." Even if you do not relate to your introverted love’s socialization habits, remember that they are a part of him. Don't tease or nag your guy about being shy or quiet, warns behavioral geneticist and relationship expert Christie Hartman. Trying to change him will not only be ineffective in most cases, but may also lead to feelings of resentment.
3 Accept His Need for Space
An introverted man may not want to spend all his time with his girlfriend -- not because he does not love her, but because he simply may need time alone to de-stress from school or work. In most cases, this is not an affront to you or a sign that he does not love you. Rather, it is just a facet of his personality and the way he processes the world around him.
4 Have Fun the Introvert Way
If you are an outgoing extrovert, asking out an introvert guy on a date is not that much different than asking out an extrovert, explains Sophia Dembling, author of “The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World." "Would you like to go out some time?" should work, says Dembling. That said, she suggests choosing date spots such as museums or movies while you get to know each other, as they will give you a natural topic of conversation and help you avoid awkward silences.
- 1 Psychology Today: How to Chat Up an Introvert
- 2 The Meyers & Briggs Foundation: Extraversion or Introversion
- 3 Christie Hartman, Ph.D.: Are You an “Attractive Introvert?”
- 4 Psych Central: 7 Persistent Myths About Introverts & Extroverts
- 5 Psychology Today: Why Introverts and Extroverts Attract Each Other