It can be incredibly frustrating to feel like you aren't being heard, particularly when that person is important to you. Oftentimes, men may not realize that they are being hurtful by not listening to their girlfriends. If you feel like your words are falling on deaf ears, here are some tips to get your boyfriend to listen to you.

Talk to your boyfriend in a quiet, calm environment. If there are loud distractions such as kids playing or the television going, it is more difficult to listen. If you are looking to have a particularly serious conversation, make sure it is in an environment that is free of distractions.

Focus your thoughts. Take time to prepare for the conversation. This preparation will help you to make your points effectively and efficiently. If you meander around the point, your boyfriend may get distracted, lose interest or find your words hard to follow.

Speak logically and sensibly. Sometimes, when we are upset, our emotions get the better of us. This results in others feeling threatened and defensive. Try to remain in control of your feelings and do not lose your temper. If you are out of control, your boyfriend will be less likely to really listen.

Express how you feel. Rather than playing the blame game or complaining about his actions, instead talk about how you feel. Oftentimes, it's hard to see how our actions affect others. If you are hurt by something he's done, let him know. Have an intelligent conversation rather than simply barking out a litany of complaints about him.

Ask questions. When you engage him in the conversation, he will listen much more. Even if you're upset, resist the urge to rant. Remember, you want to have a conversation with him, not just talk at him.

Make suggestions for solutions. It can be very discouraging to hear complaints with possible solutions. If you have an issue with something, express how you feel and then discuss possible solutions to fix the problem. Be positive and use constructive criticism. Steer very clear of insults.

Be an active listener. If you want to be heard, you need to spend time listening as well. If you don't listen to your boyfriend, he won't be motivated to listen to you. Acknowledge his feelings and thoughts before you lay into your own.


  • Avoid accusatory statements. This merely puts your boyfriend on the defensive and will not resolve anything.


  • Be patient with your boyfriend. You are both growing and learning in your relationship.