What if He Is Dating Others & Says He Loves You?

Love can mean different things to different people.
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In the movies, when the princess meets Prince Charming, he isn't dating a bevy of other princesses from other kingdoms. So when the guy you're dating tells you he loves you, something doesn't quite add up, since you know he sees other girls. You're right to be wary of such a pronouncement. Trust your gut instincts and don't fall for a smooth talker.

1 Ask Him to Clarify

People have different definitons of love, and use the word in many different ways. For example, you might say, "I love chocolate," which is not the same as saying you want to give up all other foods and devote yourself to candy bars exclusively. When he utters the words, be bold and ask him what he means. Say, "Do you mean that you want to date me exclusively?" His answer will help to clue you in to his real feelings.

2 Consider the Context

If the guy you're dating says, "I love you," after a lovely evening as he's dropping you off at your place, that's one thing. If he utters the words as his hands are busy trying to disrobe you, that's another. Ask yourself if his words might be designed to get you to give in to a demand for sex, money or other benefit. Also note if he expresses his love at the same time you're telling him you don't want him to come by anymore. Sadly, he may simply want to keep his options open with you. Watch out if you suspect this might be the case.

3 Ask Him to Back up His Words

If the guy you're dating tells you that he loves you and insists that he means it in the traditional sense, let him know that you expect his words to be backed up with action. Someone who genuinely loves you will be considerate of your feelings and not date others. You can expect a guy who cares for you to ask you out at least once a week, and make plans in advance, rather than calling at the last minute. Tell him your expectations and see if he rises to meet them. If he doesn't and you think he is lying, then trust your feelings.

4 Accept it or Move on

Words are not actions, and if your guy says that he loves you but doesn't back up his words with loving behavior, you have a choice. You can choose to stay with him, accepting his casual approach to romance, or you can disconnect from the relationship and search for a guy who can back up his words with loving actions. In the end, choosing to set boundaries with the man you are dating in an act of love -- for yourself.

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.