Overcoming Dishonesty in Relationships

Take a look at how you found out about the dishonesty. Did your girlfriend fess up, or did you find out that she cheated from someone else? If your partner told you the truth, her honesty -- although after the fact -- may show that she has a new-found commitment to being truthful with you. As long as your girlfriend or friend comes clean on her own, you can start to rebuild the relationship, knowing that she has the integrity to stop the secrets and honor what the two of you have.

After your significant other or friend opens up about their dishonesty, it's time to take a zero-tolerance stance, according to relationship counselors Linda and Charlie bloom on the PsychCentral website. Make a plan to always stay open and honest, at all times. Clarify your honesty policy, letting the other person know that you absolutely won't tolerate any more lying. For example, tell your cheating boyfriend that if he strays again, your relationship is over. Knowing that -- and sticking to -- this type of policy gives you the peace of mind that's necessary to move on with a committed relationship.

Overcoming your loved one's dishonesty won't happen overnight. The process of re-building trust -- whether it's in a romantic relationship or in a friendship -- takes time. If you truly want to get past the lie, you'll need to practice patience and allow yourself time to heal. Be honest with your partner and tell her that you need time before you can get things back on track. Keep in mind that there's no standard timetable for recovering trust. While some people may get over the dishonesty quickly, others may take weeks or months, depending upon the depth of the deception.

While you need to trust your partner, she also needs to trust that you are truly committed to recovering your trust in her. Even though letting go of your hurt feelings isn't easy, acting like she's still lying or cheating won't make for a healthy relationship. Trust your partner to tell you the truth, stay honest to her word and stop yourself from making unfounded accusations. This doesn't mean that you should turn a blind eye to obvious signs that the dishonesty is back. For example, saying she's going out with her girlfriends -- and then you find out that she had coffee with her ex -- is cause for alarm.