Is It Time to Break Up if My Boyfriend Upsets Me All Time?
It's 10 p.m. and you're on the phone with your BFF again, crying over the latest in the long string of letdowns at the hands of your boyfriend. From minor mood changers -- such as showing up late for a date -- to more major offenses, if your guy upsets you all the time chances are that you're ready for a change.
1 The Good
Before you break up, take stock of the positive points in your relationship. While occasionally forgetting to call may make you temporarily angry, it isn't an offense that outweighs a healthy base. A relationship that's on the right track includes mutual respect, trust, honesty, support, equality, communication and the ability to maintain separate identities, according to the article "Am I in a Healthy Relationship?" on the TeensHealth website. If your relationship includes all of these elements, ask yourself if your guy's actions are truly intolerable or if you're making them out to be worse than they really are.
2 The Bad
Look back at the last week or month of your relationship and count the times that your guy has made you cry. If you find that there's a constant stream of tears running down your face or that you feel sad more often than not, it's most likely time to end things. When your boyfriend lacks the kindness or respect to treat you right, continuing on with the relationship doesn't make sense. This doesn't mean that your guy is abusive, or even mean, but instead that his actions show he doesn't take your feelings into account. This can include anything from flirting with other girls in front of you to lying about where's he's going or even cheating.
3 The Ugly
If your boyfriend's upsetting actions are in any way abusive, the time to get out is now. Nine percent of teenagers admit to being physically abused by a romantic partner at some point in the past 12 months, according to statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Dating violence doesn't just include slapping, hitting or punching. It also includes emotional abuse and verbal threats. If your boyfriend calls you names, shames you or tries to isolate you from your family or friends, he's abusing you. In such cases as these, seek help immediately from a trusted adult -- such as a parent or teacher -- or a mental health professional.
4 Your Role
Instead of always assuming that your guy is at fault for your tearful feelings, take a look inward. If you have low self-esteem your lack of confidence may make you especially sensitive to his actions. Your boyfriend is your partner, not your sole supporter. Lacking self-esteem may make you seem needy or clingy, which can push your guy away or make him act aloof. Acting overly dependent on your guy isn't healthy. Doing so may mean that his upsetting actions are more reactions to your low-confidence behaviors. Instead of ending things with him, take some time to work on your own self-esteem.