How to Take Control of Your Life From Your Parents
Taking control of your life from your parents is necessary so that you can develop into a responsible and mature adult. Parents often have a difficult time letting go of their children out of fear for their well-being. There are many ways that you can show your parents that you are ready to start making your own choices and choosing the direction that you want your life to take.
1 Show That You are Responsible
If you want your parents to give you more freedom, you need to start by showing them that you are responsible and mature. You can show them that you are capable of making good choices for yourself by getting a job or managing your own money. Talk to them about your future plans and how you are working to achieve them. If your parents know that you are driven and have a long-term plan for yourself, they will be more willing to let you take control of your own life and your future.
2 Let Them Mentor You
Reassure your parents that becoming more independent does not mean that you no longer need them or they will not be involved in your life. Controlling parents often fear losing their children if they give them freedom. Help your parents understand that they can still be there to give you advice and support. In his article "Surviving Adolescence" for Psychology Today, psychologist Carl Pickhardt recommends that parents transition from being managers to mentors of their children. Be willing to ask for advice from your parents, but gently remind them that you have the right to make your own choices, even if that includes making mistakes. Calmly ask that they try to avoid making judgments and assure them that you will ask for feedback along the way, then follow through.
3 Don't Use Them as a Lifeline
It's hard to expect freedom and independence from your parents if they have to come to your rescue every time you have an emergency or unforeseen expense. Next time you have a problem, try to resolve it yourself. This will show your parents that you are capable of dealing with problems and emergencies on your own. Start saving up for unplanned expenses so your parents don't have to lend you money every time your car needs repairs or you need to pay a bill. If you continue taking money from your parents, they will continue feeling like they have a say in your life.
4 Learn to Say "No"
Life coash Jana Beutler Holland, with Life in Motion Coaching, points out that one of the biggest steps in taking control over your own life is learning to say "no." This can be especially difficult when it comes to your parents because you don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel alienated. On the other hand, it is important that you begin to stick to your decisions and develop a more assertive attitude. Saying "no" to your parents doesn't mean you have to be rude or impolite. Next time they volunteer you for something you don't want to do or choose something for you, calmly explain that you are unavailable or had something different in mind. Slowly, they will grow accustomed to asking first before they make a decision for you.