If you've recently discovered that your boyfriend has discussed breaking up with you with his friends, it does not necessarily mean that your relationship is coming to an end, but it may signal that your boyfriend is unhappy. While your boyfriend may have simply been venting to his friend about your relationship, you can use this opportunity to discuss any issues with your boyfriend, fine-tune your relationship or bring the subject of talk about breaking up on your own terms.
If your boyfriend has discussed ending the relationship with others, there's a good chance that his frustration or dissatisfaction has grown intense. Before reaching out to your boyfriend, take some time to collect your thoughts and consider how you wish to proceed. If you wish to confront him about the subject, ask yourself how you might handle the worst-case scenario -- him breaking up with you -- and what you hope to achieve by bringing the subject to the surface. Because talking to your boyfriend may be emotional, write down any questions that you want to ask him before sitting down to talk.
Identifying Your Boyfriend's Behaviors
Several telltale behaviors indicate your boyfriend may be considering breaking up with you. If your boyfriend has recently become distant, is easy to anger or avoids talking about your future, he may be contemplating a breakup. Other signs to look out for include showing less affection, being guarded around his phone and creating new social media profiles. While none of these actions alone are incriminating, when considered along with his past disclosures to his friends, the evidence supports the idea that he was not merely venting to friends but is indeed considered a breakup.
Approaching Your Boyfriend
Starting with a calm invitation to talk, as opposed to a demand, conveys a spirit of cooperation instead of coercion and may make it easier to approach such a difficult topic, says counselor Aaron Karmin in an interview for the Psych Central piece “Tips for Talking About Tough Topics.” Ask your boyfriend if this is a good time for him to talk or say "I'd like to talk to you about rumors going around about us. When is a good time for you and me to talk in private?"
Clearly Communicate Your Concerns
The role of clear and direct communication is very important when discussing sensitive matters. Your boyfriend is neither a mind reader nor a detective, so clearly and directly communicating your feelings on the matter can set the tone for the rest of the conversation. Instead of telling your boyfriend "I keep hearing rumors and don't know what to think," tell him "I've heard from Robby that you were thinking about breaking up. I'm not sure if I was supposed to know that, but since it's out in the open I'd like to discuss why." Be prepared to ask tough questions, such as "What can we do to work through this" and "Do you want to stay together?"
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