You may find it difficult to tell if a guy is genuine and authentic after just one date. In fact, you may find it difficult to tell even after a few dates. However, once you enter into a relationship with a guy, your man will likely drop a few hints about his overall character.
The Way He Treats Others
Pay close attention to how treats those around him, particularly his friends. In his "Huffington Post" article "Playing It Straight With Women," Ken Solin, author and lecturer on men's emotional health and well-being, notes that a genuine man does not shun his friends in their times of need. He is supportive. Also pay attention to how he speaks about his friends when they're not around. If he's criticizing his best friend's car, college major or girlfriend as soon as the guy has stepped out of the room, he's probably not the most supportive guy. If he is judgmental or extra critical when they're not around, but presents himself as supportive, he may not be genuine.
While you might only look at how he treats you when you two are out in public -- for example, noting that he opens doors for you -- be sure to pay attention to how he treats you when you two are alone. If he feels comfortable sharing his feelings with you, this is a good sign that he's being authentic. However, if he's constantly frustrated, or it is a struggle to get him to say what's really on his mind, then this may be a sign that he's not being completely genuine. You should not have to guess what is on his mind. To have solid communication with you, he should be honest from the beginning.
Just as you should pay attention to how he supports those important to him, pay attention to how he reveals himself to others. He may have one persona for one group of friends and one for another. Maybe he asserts a more liberal, free-spirited side when he's with some friends, but when he's with others he shares more conservative values. He also may be overly protective or secretive about his life, by hiding a bad habit or vice such as smoking cigarettes. His inability to be transparent may keep him from developing a strong relationship with you. Social workers Linda and Charlie Bloom reiterate in their "Psychology Today" article "The Cost and Benefits of Emotional Honesty" that living an inauthentic life hinders people from feeling loved for who they are.
In order for the man you're dating to feel comfortable being authentic and genuine with you, you need to have those traits, too. If you're holding back or hiding something, find out why. Do your best to be honest with him. Share your thoughts, fears and dreams with him. The social workers also note, "It's only when we both reveal ourselves fully that the deepest, purest, most soul-nourishing love can be exchanged." So get to know your true self, then get to know the guy you're dating, and connect.
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