What if I Have Second Thoughts About My Girlfriend?
Situations may come about to cause you to question whether or not you should be with your girlfriend. This often occurs after a disagreement or if you don't feel as if you're getting enough attention because she is too busy with work or school, writes professor of psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne in "What to Do When Your Relationship Worries Get to You," on "Psychology Today" online. Your doubts may also spring from feeling insecure about her level of commitment or her tendency to lose her temper too easily.
1 Reflect on Your Feelings
Spend some quiet time thinking about what exactly is causing you to have doubts about your girl, suggests psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps in her WebMD blog post, "Facing Relationship Doubts Together." You must determine whether the issue is something that you believe can be worked out or not. For example, while you may be willing to work on how clingy and needy she is, if your doubts are because you have met someone else, you may decide to break it off with your girlfriend.
2 Be Honest
Be open in sharing your thoughts and feelings with your girlfriend. Talking about your concerns should happen sooner rather than later, to prevent a fixable problem from getting worse and, therefore, damaging the relationship. Allow your girlfriend the opportunity to give her input freely in the discussion. Listen carefully to each other. Understand and accept that some issues will be hard for you to discuss without causing hurt or discomfort. Identify the areas in which you are able to compromise. An open and honest discussion can set the pace for a stronger relationship, whether or not you choose to remain a couple.
3 Make an Active Decision
Make a decision as to how you will go forward. If the problem is something that you have decided to work on so that you can continue the relationship, then hold each other accountable for your actions. For example, you can make a pact to identify instances where she loses her temper too easily while she can let you know when you are being too controlling or judgmental. On the other hand, if you still have doubts after confronting your girlfriend, you may have to respectfully end the relationship. Consider what is best for you and what will make you happy. Staying in a relationship in which you are plagued by doubts is sure to make you -- and possibly your girl -- uncomfortable.
When you have to end a relationship it can leave you feeling guilty and unsure. It is possible for you to part amicably, as friends, as she realizes that you want what is best for her. To break up as respectfully as possible, arrange to talk to her face to face. Be honest, kind and caring. Talk about some of the things you enjoyed about being with her. You can say something like, "I am thankful for the time that I've gotten to spend with you. You are a very special person. This is why you deserve to be with someone who loves you completely without being held back by doubt or fear."