What if I Have Insecurities & Lack of Trust With My Partner?

Insecurity can lead to controlling behavior in a relationship.
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Many people experience insecurity in relationships. While it is a normal feeling, it is also something that needs to be addressed. Insecurity can create feelings of jealousy and lead to behavior such as spying on a partner. In turn, these actions can lead to the demise of what could otherwise have been a happy relationship. The negative thoughts that creep into the mind of an insecure person can result in what is feared most -- the loss of the relationship altogether. Through working on self-esteem, relationship counseling, and communication a couple can overcome this issue.

1 Negative Inner Dialogue

If one partner in a relationship is experiencing insecurity, it could be due to a lack self-esteem. When someone has a negative inner dialogue, it is easy to get swept away by the bad thoughts. In the article "Security and Attachment," Mary D. Salter Ainsworth points out that a harmful inner dialogue can create relationship-destroying behavior, such as searching a partner's cell phone or listening in on private conversations. Ainsworth says these destructive actions can turn insecurities into reality if the spied-upon partner decides enough is enough and leaves. If your partner has never done anything to warrant not being trusted, it is time to look inside and find out why your inner voice is heaping negative thoughts on what should be a happy, loving relationship.

2 Communication Is Key

When two people have good communication, there is no problem they cannot tackle. When one partner in a relationship feels insecure, it is important that these feelings are discussed with the other partner, according to the article "Jealousy in Relationships" by Dr. Shauna Springer. No matter what the cause of the insecurity is, companions should discuss feelings together. Dr. Springer says that by communicating, the couple can build a stronger foundation and understand one another on a deeper level. This will ultimately lead to a happier, more secure relationship.

3 When Insecurity Turns Into Control

Controlling behavior in a relationship usually stems from insecurity. In the article "The Controlling and Mistrustful Spouse" by Richard Fitzgibbons, some symptoms of insecurity turned into control are highlighted. Fitzgibbons says a partner should watch for paranoia, lack of openness, hyper-critical behavior, and irritability. When these issues arise, Fitzgibbons recommends the couple consider seeking outside help. Marital counseling, faith-based counseling and even mediation with a trusted mutual friend can help in dealing with relationship issues. It is important that the root cause of the insecurity be addressed and resolved.

4 The Past Shaping the Present

Sometimes a past experience can influence how someone acts in a new relationship. For instance, a girl who saw her father cheat on her mother may have trust issues in her own romantic relationships. In the article "Are You the Cause of Your Jealousy" by Dr. Lisa Firestone, the influence of past experiences and the influences they may have is addressed. Dr. Firestone says that when a past experience creates these internalized issues, they can come out in future relationships.

Jaime Vargas-Benitez has been a parenting writer since 2010. She has worked in the child wellness field in various roles for over 20 years. Along with the experiences of raising her own kids, she has been privileged enough to participate in the raising of hundreds of other children as well.