How to Get a Girlfriend to Stay With You After She Said It's Over

To win your girlfriend back, focus on her needs in both the short- and long-term.
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Once your girlfriend has made up her mind that she no longer wants a relationship with you, it will take a good deal of hard work for you to change it back again. Your girlfriend may have some serious misgivings about your future together, which could make it difficult to convince her that staying with you is the right move. If you're certain that you want to get her back, however, you'll have the best chance at success if you truly understand her concerns and address them openly.

Take care of yourself first so that you can approach your girlfriend with confidence and understanding. You don't want her to stay with you out of pity or fear; you will both need some space so you're able to broach the topic without bringing your anger and frustration to bear, as clinical psychologist Susan Heitler writes in her Psychology Today article "How to Get an Ex Back: 5 Essential Steps." Clear your head by talking with trusted friends and engaging in a round of your favorite sport.

This is not a decision she has taken lightly, so you need to get to the heart of her reasons for ending it and treat them with seriousness and respect if you're going to have any hope of convincing her that your relationship is worth saving. You need to hear her out -- really hear her out, and repeat what you've learned so she knows that you have -- without being defensive, advises Heitler.

Take action to fix the big issues and move past the small ones, couples therapist Robert Buchicchio tells Cosmopolitan Magazine in the article "How to Get Back With Your Ex." Demonstrating to your girlfriend that there will be clear changes to the problems that made her want out may make her willing to give you a second chance.

Take things slow when you restart your relationship with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend wanted a change, so you should act as though you're embarking on a brand-new relationship to avoid the same pitfalls that made her want out in the first place.

Every relationship has its challenges, but the ones that repeatedly get past them involve calm discussions on points of disagreement and a sense that both partners are valued and have valid opinions. Showing your girlfriend that you're the one for her is not a one-time event -- it needs to be an ongoing process of mutual respect and caring.

  • Be wary of pressing your girlfriend to continue your relationship out of loneliness or feelings of rejection. Not all relationships can last forever, sadly, so be sure that your goals are in everyone's best interests before you proceed.

A graduate of Oberlin College, Caitlin Duke has written on travel and relationships for She has crisscrossed the country several times, and relishes discovering new points on the map. As a credentialed teacher, she also has a strong background in issues facing families today.